i remembered while putting esmé to bed last night. i was telling her a story about one of my grandmothers. she only really lives in one of my memories about a trip to kmart, starring my incessant and - in retrospect and from my somewhat adult vantage point - annoying requests that she buy me a toy. i called her leona harvey, which is probably why she said no to every request.
esmé's favorite parts of my stories are always the ones i invent. like how this leona harvey character asked me to sit on her lap and i said no, i did not think that would be a good idea. but she insisted and you know how grandmothers are and you kind of know how i am...so i sat in her lap and then sneezed on her face so that she would never ever never again make the mistake of making me do something i did not wish to do.
that did not really happen with me and leona harvey. it did, however, happen with a work friend of my father's.
when i told esmé about my dad's birthday, she smiled, cooed a little as she does when she sees a shade of sadness, and then asked "did you love him?"
i told her he was my favorite person. and how, every time i'm with my oldest brother, i get a lump in my throat. he reminds me so much of my dad.
you know, my brother emptied out everything of my dad's after he died. his gun collection, his cane collection, all of his tools and anything else that had belonged to him. he took everything home and set it all out where he could see them anytime he wanted to see them. the rest of us didn't care one bit. not one. they had been best friends and we were all glad they'd had each other.
used to be, he and my dad spoke nightly after either seeing each other or speaking a few times during the day. for a few weeks after my dad died, i think he called my mom or one of my uncles or anyone else who could possibly take my dad's place as his best friend.
i don't think he's ever found another.
sometimes, when i try to define true love, i think of those two.
do you ever wonder how hard people will miss you after you're long gone? i do.
eh. it's probably my doctor's appointment or maybe that my mammogram is scheduled for thursday or maybe that i'm just plain worry-head. seriously: i'm convinced i have every cancer symptom google-able. even the silent ones.
happy monday, you. did you have a sweetheart weekend like i told you to have? say yes...photos from hella cool stash studios. look for one of those cuffs to appear in my weekly wrist post someday soon. and? her model is named esme. did you know i love that name?