01 December 2010


so i dropped the babes off at their various schools and headed to the grocery.

can i tell you how i despise the grocery? it confuses the heck out of me and i buy nothing but nonsense and then the girlies three ask for things i totally forgot to bring home. like milk and bread.

but today wasn't so bad. i am in a giggly mood of late, and even the woeful state of the chobani flavors couldn't bring me down.

and then? then. i. get. to. the. checkout.

only one lane was open and it was marked express. like, ten items or less. i probably had one hundred items. since no one was around, the checker-lady said it's fine, darlin'.

as soon as i'd unloaded the hundredth item from my cart? about ten people walked up. each with one or two little nothings. no longer fine, darlin'.

in a panic, i did what i always do when i am in a panic: i started laughing. no one joined in. and the worst part? checker-lady didn't have my back! this was her fault, anyway. she told me to go express.

it could not get worse. until checker-lady asked loudly would you like to donate to homeless children for the holidays?

umm. nah. i whispered.

what, darlin'?

not today, i answered little more loudly. and when she kept staring at me, i followed up with a i'm sure they'll be fine...it's going to be a mild winter...


and then. she asked if i'd like to donate a dollar to breast cancer research.

now, i'm not going to bore you with what i give and what i don't give and which charities i adore and which i ignore...because we're all adults who make our own adult decisions about those sorts of things. but i will say that the local grocery is not where i'm donating a dollar's worth of breast cancer research.

and then. she said oh! lucky you! your rewards card just gave you a ten dollar voucher to be used toward your next purchase.

lucky me. yeah. especially when trashy mommy in juicy behind me who's holding two v-8s and a roll of summer sausage pipes in you can use it toward my next purchase!

so i did. not because i was shamed into it or mortified by the previous four minutes of my life, but so i could say to everyone in that line see? i'm not a bad person who hates homeless children and people with breast cancer. i'm not. i'm a giver. happy christmas to all and to all a good night.

i didn't really say that. well, i said that except for the i'm a giver happy christmas blah blah blah.

remind me why do you hang out with me again?

some of my friends have asked how i choose photos for my posts. i tell them that i have a really scrolly speedy mouse, and when it stops to give me a moment to gasp? i know i've found the right photos. this happens a lot on the steward. a lot a lot.


Sherry said...

oh, my goodness..i'm first again. this post made me laugh out loud several, several times. and the pics are great. especially the last one. i'd like to have those tan legs right now (since it's snowing here in indy). thanks for the chuckles.

you'd think i was stalking you so i could be first. i swear though that i just sat down to the computer. been sick in bed this morning watching reruns and thinking up a grocery list. i'll keep it under the 10 thing limit :)

Richie Designs said...

you make me laugh always even with bad tubes and all.


CMN said...

So the check-out line charity thing...? I {almost} always say "No, but thank you for asking". Because I too think it's odd to be doing extra charitable donations at the grocery store. Which basically means all the time... like every day, when I stop to pick up {insert product here} at {insert store here}. An extra dollar at every stop, for a charity that you didn't choose and know nothing about -- on top of all the charitable donations you DO choose to give? Yes, that's just odd. Sometimes, say yes... sometimes say no. Always with a Thank You. Because I do appreciate that perhaps it's creating a charitable opportunity for someone who wouldn't otherwise give. {Mr. Scrooge, perhaps?} And I appreciate the extra reminder to think outside of my own needs. Though perhaps I don't really appreciate the guilt that follows when I contemplate well, I could spend for that candy bar, but I didn't spring a buck for that {random charitable cause}. Maybe if my surprise dollar was matched by the store in question? Who knows... obviously, there's a whole world of views and opinions and I'm trying to run my hands through all of them. LOL

Kristin said...

Oh to be a fly on the wall in that grocery store!

you are a doll, miss M.

Loui♥ said...

I'm with you..
the grocery store is NOT the place to solicit for donations of any kind..
because it is THEY who get the credit.. not you..
If i contribute to the bell ringer out front, and then at the check out, MY grocery money is shortened.
I too have used the Express lane..
and do not feel guilty if that is the only checker on duty.. but i also have been courteous in any lane to let someone with lesser items go before me.. and that has been reciprocated many times..
warmest hugs..

la la Lovely said...

How I love you're words and you're stories. And how I hate the grocery too. Like with a vengeance. I spent an hour and half in there yesterday armed with a detailed list and still managed to forget essentials. So back I go today for the things I forgot.
I've also had this express lane nonsense happen before. With about 20 or so items the store manager told me to use Express because the store was just so busy and then the express lady gave me the business and when I told her the other lady sent me over, she questioned me. sheesh.
And don't you just hate it that wherever you check out now a days they ask you to donate for something. And asking for you're phone number and whatever else. Just let me pay, puh-lease.
Anyhow, ok... I'm at starbucks with no kids and apparently a little chatty!

beth said...

okay....so like i just laughed hard enough to choke and it made my nose hurt...i guess that would be from the tea that made its way up there.....

thanks for the pain you inflicted on me today....i mean seriously, really.....thank you.

Anonymous said...

You are just AWESOME!

Zil From Singapore

Brandi said...

i really don't like it when people ask me to donate at the checkout counter. i'm a generous person but i don't like being put on the spot, and i give what i can (time or money) when i have it, not when i'm made to feel guilty (guilt trips often ensure i don't do something, even if i wanted to or was planning to at first). as for making it through the grocery, i do that with a list and a map in my head. all about being strategic.

Simply Mel said...

I'm guilty for LOVING to grocery shop ~ but I'm spoiled living in Northern California where there is a farmer's market every day of the week (somewhere) and Whole Foods around every corner. I spend WAY too much money and time on this 'hobby'....if I lived closer to you, I would just shop for you and leave sparkly bags of delectable goodness on your front steps {that's how much I adore you!}.

Champagne/StitchPoet/CrushParty said...

I LOVED this post...this has so happened to us all and we are all sitting...smiling...you know it. I love the Steward too, but wish he'd take the time to post where he found his pics...they say tumblr is where pictures go to die, but I think it keeps going and going and going...love me some tumblin'!

krista said...

wait, you don't have a maid doing the grocery shopping for you?
my image of you is ruined.


mommaginger said...

I, legit, laughed out loud at the "it's going to be a mild winter..." Oh my gosh you're so funny. Good luck at ALT--I just saw it's in SLC which is right near me...tickets to that will NOT be something that comes for Christmas, but it sure would have been fun to meet you. Good luck & Merry Christmas!

Austin Massage Therapy said...

Excellent topics. I really like this topics, I found this from online that, each recipe has been tested and each one has come out perfect If not, they are not added to the site.

Austin Massage Therapy said...

I differ with most people here; I found this blog post I couldn't stop until , although it wasn't just what I had been looking for, was still a great read though. I will instantly get your blog feed to keep informed of coming updates.