27 October 2010

delayed reaction...

i can't tell you this story. not the juicy bits.

but i will tell you this: i got a phone call yesterday from a mother. and i don't mean a mother trucker, which was uncle sugar's favorite swear to call adults when he was a little uncle sugar. i mean another mom.

i told you that to tell you this: my initial reaction is always always i'm wrong. you're right. i'll fix. you sit tight. no worries no worries no worries.

that philosophy served me well when we lived overseas. those places never belonged to me, so i always deferred. always. does that make sense?

i guess i continued acquiescing even when we moved home. i still don't feel like this place belongs to me, but i'm working on that. i am.

anyway. this phone call. of course, this woman is all passive aggro. which is fine. whatever. but when i pushed back a little? her response was a vehement no no no! that does NOT sound like MY daughter! i don't believe you.

{i just edited a really juicy bit.}

{and another. maybe three more after that.}

my point, if you're expecting one, is this: know. your. kid.

i was raving to my mary ruffle last night about this - and if you want all the juicy bits, you may ask her to tell you. i don't mind. - and she said something like that part of being a parent is exactly what scares people away from wanting babies: crazy other parents.

but i told her that would be a bad decision. because after phone calls like this one, you and your partner will look at this little person you've made together. in that baby who will always be your baby, you'll see exaggerated versions of your best and, more often than that, your worst. you'll understand exactly what that mother trucker meant when she called to complain, and then you'll giggle. especially when your uncle sugar says something like i know how she is because she's exactly like me...except more like the devil. and then he'll shrug off your worries. remind you that we're making strong girlies three who will never be dependent on other girlies' bad moods or behind-the-scenes mean. and then tell you that you've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

{i just deleted a few more juicy bits. plus some swears. that uncle sugar is naughty, did you know? yes, you probably did. calling adults mother truckers when he was seven? i think you've got his number.}

and then, all will be well.

unless you're me.

i hate my initial reaction. i should've pushed back more forcefully. i should've told that woman...i don't know what i could've told a woman like that, but i wish i'd told her...i don't know. i really don't know. and that makes me so mad at myself.

uncle sugar thinks i should've smiled sweetly like i always do - and did - and tell her oh, i know what you're saying! our daughter doesn't suffer fools gladly, but we've been working on this with her!

i like that uncle sugar. very much.

ok. on a different note. i've been raving obsessed about this jamie flannigan who left me a comment or two. her. tumblr. is. insane. check it here. dying. just dying over it. enjoy! and xoxo. thanks for listening to my nonsense. i feel better now.


Anonymous said...

can you give me some parenting lessons? your girlies seem like they will turn out to be great women. we are just getting towards the harder stuff. the politics of friendship seem to be starting in preschool which amazes me.

and that uncle sugar of yours is so clever.

JAMIE said...

First, that other mother sounds like she does not know her child. Girls are mean at some point or another, so she needs to recognize her daughter's equal part in this mess.

Second, YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME! I'm so pleased you love that tumblr of mine. If you can believe it, those aren't even my best texts yet!

Thank you again and again!

la la Lovely said...

Well, this is all so interesting to me. I mean, I can't believe how early all of this girl nonsense starts these days. And the mom's ...this is all very competitive, and the thing is, I'm not all that competitive, like even in sports. I've found the mom's.....can be worse than the daughters. Each day, I find I'm trying to find the right thing to teach my girly about being a strong, confident, yet sweet, accepting and loving little big girl. I think this is what other mom's mean when they say boys are easier than girls. They just shove each other and then get on with it. Well, do tell us more of your girly mothering and parenting and lovely strong advice. And... I love what Uncle Sugar said. I wish I could think quickly like that to ugly comments and conversations and then have enough courage to say it with a smile and walk away.
xo Trina
ps-i'm really nosey today and wishing i knew all the juicy bits - ha (my day is all boring with laundry and the grocery store)

the 30 girl said...

For real. People can be so bizarre. My kiddo is two and I cringe every time he gets pushed at the playground. I nearly cried when a little girl told him "I don't want to play with you, BABY!" because his face just reverberated sadness. All the while, parents are around...not focused, you know. I'm always the mom, close but not smothering, making sure my little guy is not pushing, playing with other kids, and, in general, being nice. Uh, like, where are the other parents--present, but so not.

By the way, I just LOVE reading you. Your style and word choice takes me back to the excitement I would get in world literature when I'd discover a new poet...you are SO poetic! Thanks for sharing.

Amie aka MammaLoves said...

That Uncle Sugar is the cat's pajamas I tell you!!! Just like his wifey-poo!

And as for the girlies three...bring me that mother trucker to me. I let her know how amazing each one of them is. I've seen their souls.

LouBoo said...

I have always rather liked your nonsense... LB x

krista said...

yes, that uncle sugar is a keeper.
and you're the perfect amuse bouche, i think.
((don't mind me if i start emailing you when my daughter reaches the age where other parents are all up in her business and want to talk to me about it.))

Simply Mel said...

okay, I'm ready. I'll take on every single mother trucker out there ~ and I'll smile proudly as I do it.

{thankfully, I still have a few years to go}

lalaland said...

I handled a similar situation yesterday in a similar manner- except mine was about me being 'bad' and someone else being completely self centred and paranoid! I too have edited juicy bits, but I will say that it's sisters-in-law like mine who make people think twice about getting married! but then I wouldn't have my own version of uncle sugar, and just lkike yours, mine is a (naughty) keeper.

Champagne/StitchPoet/CrushParty said...

Oh girl, I think we could be friends! I love this post!!!!!

jules @ The Diversion Project said...

oh have been in this boat before, and i went to town after a thinly veiled 'you corporate mother types who don't know what your children are doing' comment from a not so nice mother. man she was a real mother trucker - she was a whole flipping convoy in fact.

i think i might have taken it a smidge further than i needed to go, but you know what, i know my guy was thrilled to know that i trusted in him more than anything.

your girlie is no doubt filled to the brim with the type of sweet solidarity that comes from DNA.

loves xxx

Shannon said...

Ignorance truly is bliss for some I guess If you choose to only know your children as they exist in the walls of your home, you are missing out on some of the worst and best people you will ever meet...i don't know the juice but I have to guess, miss lady who's girl would never, that WAS your kid.

Anne-Marie @ 10 Rooms said...

I was raised to turn the other cheek. My husband was raised to fight back - hard. We're trying to teach these guys to stand up for themselves and stay above of the schoolyard sqaubbles..wish those other Mums would, too!

A-M said...

Too precious some of these types.... boy Mums are up there too. Grit those teeth and keep fiercely nurturing those sweet girlies. A-M x