our hero...

this is one of those stories i need my girlies to remember. when i'm here. when i'm not. whenever. forever.

it's a story about strength. the iron giant kind of strength. stronger than that, maybe. it's a story about love. a fierce and fighty love as everlasting and as heartbreaking as old dan had for little ann. it's a story about keeping your word until the very end. kind of like inigo montoya. hanging on to dear, dear life even while scaling the cliffs of insanity, even when battling rodents of unusual size, and even in the pit of despair.

oh, it's a good story. because this story? this story is all yours. it's about your aunt lin. a real-deal hero. who was all yours.

you weren't even supposed to meet each other. her cancer had come to visit again. but this time? her cancer brought some friends. they all barged in without invitation to breasts and bones. and this time? it looked as though they were staying. no matter how politely all those surgeries and chemotherapies and radiations asked 'em to leave.

we rushed a brand new little lillie from dallas to chicago to meet this ball of magic i called my sister. and a funny thing happened, lill: lin fell head-over-tails in love with you. so, with a brand new you in her heart, she fought her cancer and all those nasty companions. and she won.

that's how important you are.

then came you, grae. a mini-me in colors and smiles. from the minute she laid eyes on you, lin was hooked. so, with a brand new you in her heart, she continued to fight. and continued to win.

that's how important you are.

the two of you and lin shared a birthday month, you september girls. every september, we'd find her or she'd find us. with fireworks. always fireworks.

fast forward to the end of an august, when lill would turn seven in less than a week. but your aunt lin hadn't gotten out of bed in over that. she couldn't even walk on her own. even so, you had to ask, sweet lillie kate.

will you be at my birthday?

yes. she answered, after a great pause and with more conviction than anyone else in the room owned. i wouldn't miss it for the world.

and so, on your seventh year, lill, your aunt lin came to your party. walked right in grammy's door without any help or extra hands. wearing eye make-up, even. it was unforgettable.

that's how important you are.

and grae? don't think i didn't see you that entire night. hovering over lin. touching her every so often with one gentle finger just to prove to yourself that, yes, she was really there. when she really wasn't supposed to be. my god, grae...you were only five. but nineteen days later, you would turn six. so you had to ask.

will you be at my birthday?

an even greater, how-could-it-get-any-more-painful pause this time. i wouldn't miss it for the world, grae. promised with more conviction than i think even she owned. and i don't know how the heck she did it, but she held on until your birthday. remember? she even brought fireworks.

that's how important you are.

there was one more mackin girlie due to arrive. but not until october. there was just no way lin would meet this one. i knew it. she knew it. everyone knew it.

grae-girl? i could see in your eyes that you knew it, too. but you had just turned six. one of those ages when there's a miracle behind every moon. so you asked lin if she could stay. to see our newest babe. and what do you think she promised?

she wouldn't miss it. not. for. the. world.

esmé dahlia...you came early. snuck in at the very end of the month. i think you must've known. or maybe you just wanted to be a september girl, too. lin was the first to arrive that next morning to meet you. to hold you. until her tears became too much. you wouldn't know each other long. less than two weeks. but know this, esmé. the very idea of you kept her alive.

and that's how important you are.

as i write this story...lin's ending...you are nine and eight and two. today, your lives are fairly simple. you ask. you get. like magic.

but someday, your lives won't be so simple. someday, your lives will become less about asking. more about giving. someday, your lives will become less about today. all about tomorrow. and that's when you'll truly understand all that lin gave to you. and that's when your hearts will just shatter with the weight of her gift.

so fold this memory into a tiny square, you three, and keep it in your back pockets. reach for it when you need it. and if one of you forgets for a moment, remind her, won't you?

that once upon a time and happily ever after and over the hills and through the woods and now and forever and 'til death we do part and goodnight gorilla...this was your story. this was your hero.

i hope your memories of lin make you better. just better. just more. hold tight to her strength when you need to be strong. or when someone else needs you to be strong. recreate her love as often as you impossibly can. and then once more after that. keep your word until the very, very end. try. give. care. stay.

because that's how important she was.

this was originally posted on mackin ink's first edition, way over two years ago. i think i wrote a lot better then. artwork by studio mela.