01 October 2009

i totally digress...

when i was a little girl, i watched a lot of starsky and hutch.

some of you may remember my childhood icky-odd fantasy of somehow becoming the lovely couple's adopted daughter. and some of you might be all wrinkled up right now, asking yourselves were starsky and hutch a couple? {answer: no. but they should've been. because the three of us would've been magic together.}

never mind that. because if there was a point to this post, it wouldn't be that.

the other day, i was cleaning. {wait for it...there. did you hear uncle sugar snort? i swear i did.} toilets. {i'm certain uncle sugar is now laughing. unfortunately, i can't seem to hear anything over my own sobs.}

never mind that. because if there was a point to this post, it wouldn't be that.

apparently, i missed one episode. luckily, it was the only episode my opera singer friend with the aria laugh did see...

scene: a tired, bedraggled mom loads her groceries and baby into the back of the wood-paneled family station wagon. her mind is obviously elsewhere. {director's note: she is probably distracted because she is not looking forward to cleaning toilets when she gets home. plus maybe she feels a bit silly for asking the grocery guy in which aisle she could find the pneumonia. he didn't laugh really hard like she did. awkward moment.} the mom gets in the car and doesn't buckle up, but does press the silver locks. hmm. the camera shoots the bleach and ammonia in the back - an accident waiting to happen - and, sure enough, the mom passes out {director's note: as i almost did when i tried to super-clean the toilets. so i'd only have to do them once. a month. at most.} and gets into a car wreck. the tension builds as my two dads try and try to get into the car as this horrid gas in the way back starts spreading toward the baby. after an eternity {or at least three commercials, one of which is surely that and-so-onning breck shampoo stroke of genius.}, starsky and hutch rescue the unconscious duo, dragging them to safety. {director's note: all that before they picked me up from ballet. later that night, we ate at huggy bear's. my heroes.}

never mind that. because if there was a point to this post, it wouldn't be that.

where was i? cleaning toilets. pneumonia. starsky and hutch. oh, yes. my point is {read the following in a firm, i mean it this time, mister, sort of an i'm not yelling but we both know i am yelling voice, please.} that i will NEVER CLEAN TOILETS AGAIN...

{and then read the following in a defeated deflated sort of a whisper, please.}...with bleach and pneumonia.

never mind that. because if there was a point to this post, it wouldn't be that.

when i was a little girl, i didn't have a barbie doll. but i did have a skipper doll. i loved her so much, i fear she became my beauty ideal somewhere along the way.

never mind that. because if there was a point to this post, it wouldn't be that. it would be this...




doesn't she look exactly like skipper? swoon.

found on sass and trash. plus a special kiss to sweet 'aroline.

6 comments:

Melissa de la Fuente said...

GOD, I love ya! You are so frickin funny, it is killin me! Thank you for the laughs my dear E.I.F(effervescent imaginary friend) and I also had a skipper doll, and I adored her. (you rock)
xoxo
Melis

Jessie said...

My mom used to call me a Breck girl when I was younger. Is it the same? I'm not sure what it even is...

*The trick to toilets is to teach your husband to clean them, the whole bathroom in fact (even the grout), and then reward him when he does. :) -BLING!- Keeps the magic of love alive.

Joslyn said...

ok... you are brill and hilarious. but seriously this line

{answer: no. but they should've been. because the three of us would've been magic together.}


swoon ;-)
xoxox

Simply Mel said...

How do you do it? Brilliant words EVERY SINGLE DAY! Love it!

Kristin said...

Oh Karey -- so glad you're back. Makes my day. Actually, makes my week! ;)

Relyn said...

Laughing..


Laughing...



Still laughing....




Oh gosh! I sure am glad you're back!