two words...

if i take a photography workshop from kate headley...

i'll probably become a world-famous and mad-genius camera hack. {yes, this can happen in one hour and thirty minutes. trust.}

i'll want to take a self-portrait, even though i am not a fan of most self-anythings. but, first, i'll need to decide what a world-famous and mad-genius camera hack should look like. i think this is just about exactly right.

i will most likely need to stain my lips with berries. plus add sparkle. maybe even look into buying a few freckles.

upon my search through the fridge, i will find absolutely. no. red. berries. not even one popsicle.

but i will find these.

maybe one of these.

i will take mad-genius and soon-to-be world-famous pictures of all of my self-portrait accoutrement and me, and post them for you to see. you will most likely gasp and most definitely screech but you used to be such a crap photographer!

and i will simply smile and utter the only two words that will help you understand my newfound mad-genius: kate and headley. and you will understand.

you will also get hungry. and since you've missed me like crazy, you will completely forget that i am a crap cook, and you will invite yourself to dinner at my house. without even realizing how odd those words sound together. be there in ten!

ten? oh, dear.

luckily, it will take you a smidge more than eleven minutes to reach my house, where i'll surprise you with this.

the sight alone will stop you in your socks. but after three minutes of drool and awe and a few tears, you will recover. start breathing again. and screech but you used to be such a crap cook!

and i'll nod fervently. i KNOW!

and you'll wrinkle your sweetheart of a brow. then HOW?

and i will simply smile and utter the only two words that will help you understand my newfound mad-genius: kate and headley. and you will understand.

we'll gobble up the tabletop. in between your ladylike gulps, you'll ask what is in this? and in between my precious coughing spasms where my face shades a delightful pinkish hue and just after i make the universal sign for i'm choking, and really after you kindly whap my back, i'll whisper i've no idea. i'll ask kate headley.

when we're through, you'll lean back in your chair and look at me...really look at me...for the first time all evening.

why are you wearing a hat? and where on earth did you get those freckles? and why are your lips blue?

thank you in advance, kate headley.

can you tell i'm a wee bit excited for kate headley's photo workshop? i'm usually the queen of low expectations, but this? this makes me hopeful. meet you there? and, listen: all of my photo links failed. but it's esmé's fourth tomorrow and i must meet a writing deadline or i'm dead and plus mémé wants me to make her a rainbow birthday cake. in the shape of a rainbow. with seven layers of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet cakes. perhaps kate headley can help? xoxo.