five things in the past five minutes...

1. i thought to myself, chin heavy in hand, "huh. i could paint that." (dumb.)

2. i thought to myself with much more optimism, "maybe this would be easier." (still dumb.)

3. i have been searching for art for our bedroom. this is so hyper-aggro that i think it would make me laugh every time i saw it. plus, mother trucker was pat's first public swear when he was eight or so. he has better ones now. (this is a fantastic idea.)

4. tacked this to my gimme bar, but only because i have and i don't need to anymore. for a while, at least. (phrew.)

5. thought about how everyone always says that the girls get their writing talent from me. and then re-read what pat wrote for lillie's how not to be a teen mom project. in part...

lillie: what was the scariest part about being a new parent?

pat: i didn't find any part of it scary. i was 28 years old when we had you, we had a nice home and good jobs, and had already been married for seven years. we thought we were ready for a you.

lillie: was your sleep affected?

pat: i usually did the the last and first feeding, and mommy would take care of you throughout the night. i didn't really feel like my sleep was affected, but i am used to having a chaotic schedule. 

lillie: what was the most difficult? 

pat: the most difficult thing was not always knowing what you needed or wanted and just trying to stop the crying and make you happy again. that is still the most challenging thing...

lillie: would it have been harder if you had been a single parent with an infant? 

pat: i could not imagine raising you as a single parent. it was difficult enough between the two of us. 

lillie: what makes it all worth it in the long run? 

pat: to see you now as a bright, happy, confident young woman. 

lillie: what are your best memories of me at an infant age? 

pat: when you first came out and pooped on your mom, and any and every time i see you smile and happy. you were a good baby, lillie. you're going to be a great woman.

i guess i like his economy of words. i like how he states things with a quiet confidence. makes anything he says feel like a fact. 

i also like how he knows that it's important to be affectionate with them no matter how old they get. he makes sure their hugs are not more than a day apart and he can still carry them up to bed. no matter how much it hurts, he pretends it does not. because anything else would hurt way more.