07 December 2011

i'll probably regret this one...

so. last night, lillie's science teacher sends out a class mail. something about people talking too much and not listening to her and could the parents please reinforce zipping it in her class and she'd greatly appreciate it.

i asked lillie about it, and she looked a little confused. the only person i talk to is my teacher...and...maybe the kids around me. but we were taking a test today and i used up all the time in class and i didn't really get a chance to talk to anyone.

i see. so i wrote a little note in return, saying that i was sure lillie was one of the chatters. and, for that, my apologies. that lillie will do her best to zip it. but that what really was important to me is how lill's been studying like a fiend and how self-motivated she's grown and how interested she is. heavy emphasis on interested. and that i hope she's enjoying lillie as much as we do.

lillie read the note over my shoulder. i swear, her chandelier smile would've lit a path from my house to yours. swear.

really? she asked. thank you, mom.

i told her not to let anyone else write her about section. ever. i don't think she understood that at all, but you will, yes?

so the teacher wrote back this morning. said that lillie was, indeed, a too-much talker. that, while lill is a joy to have in class and while she is proud of lill's efforts and interest, she's not a fan of lillie's love for the side conversation.

agreed, i wrote back. a million times over. that we'll work on the chatting, but that i'm quite sure her love of interacting with everyone is a brilliant skill that will come in handy someday. it seems i only need to be concerned with getting her past seventh grade science.

i'm not having it. i couldn't help but push back a little.

all these kids...they're all the same. they're either little hoochie-mamas with low-cut shirts and even lower values, or else they're - as lillie and grae call them - chihuahuas. the kinds of girls who start shaking when anyone even looks at them. the kinds of girls who would never dare talk in class, not to mention stand up for themselves or anyone else. it's painful to me, these girls growing up too, too fast and these chihuahuas.

sometimes i cringe that i have great danes. grae, sometimes, is more pitbull. but that is another story.

which took place the other night at swimming. the team was stretching out by the side of the pool, and one of the girls asked my two why their fins were shorter than everyone else's. before they could answer that they're training fins and much more difficult to use than the longer ones, another little girl piped up and answered for them.

because their parents can't afford the real fins.

as soon as grae told me...well...to make a long story short, i fuh-reaked. so mad i can't even explain it. and then i made it quite clear to her gross and useless father that his child was completely inappropriate and crude. he replied with those fated words - that doesn't sound like my daughter - but that he'd talk to her.

i may have replied be sure you do before i give gracie permission to respond.

and then i flamed uncle sugar. there were a lot of effs involved in that text. and that charmer of mine replied why would you ever care about people like that? that's so unlike you. and if grae can't handle this, she needs to turn in her man card.

i love that guy.

i've come to the realization that i'm a pretty chill person. until it comes to my girlies three. i am beyond disinterested in making people who blend in. who follow. who listen to how others define them and change their definition accordingly. who don't enjoy life, but are scared to death of it. who can't enjoy like heck the person sitting next to them, no matter where in the world they may be sitting. and it seems that i will fight like a dog to make sure that all doesn't happen.

this is probably a problem, but asking me to change is like...asking lill to keep quiet in science. which, i hate to tell you, is probably not going to happen.

images i loved on b for bonnie. and there. i feel better now. thanks for listening.


kate said...

Ooooh, you. Can you just write a how-to-parent book so that when I'm at that place I can refer to it daily? I want little ones like yours.

Amie aka Mammaloves said...

Okay, so you know how much I love those girls...but I wonder this:

Are we allowing our over-talkative children (mine included) too much leeway and allowing them to be disrespectful by not demanding that they give the teacher their undivided attention. As disrespectful as some little weasel suggesting that a parent can't afford real fins?

Maybe I'm too much of a rule-follower, but I do feel for the teachers...

As for that kid and their parents? Screw 'em. They don't even know! Plus? The girlies three would totally eat them for lunch.

Simply Mel {Reverie} said...

one of the greatest gifts ever given to this world -- YOU! those girlies three are damn lucky!

"man card" love that uncle sugar

now about the about me...your rates please. need your words.

karey m. said...

kate...watch what you wish for!

amie. i feel you. but there is not one ounce of disrespect intended when she conducts those side convos! it's just...in her dna. she is a chatty kathy with a stuck string! but you know that i am NOT a rule follower...must be why i like you so much.

mel...he is funny, isn't he?!

Kate said...

This is wonderful, as usual. I hope that if I have girls they are more great dane than chihuahua.

melissa loves said...

I so feel you my friend. I like to think I am pretty chill, easy going and kind. But, f*ck with my girls ( or hubby) ? And I will open a can of wup ass on ya. Right?! I am so with you darlin. And I adore you. ADORE I say!
( and that Uncle Sugar)

Jill said...

I'm trying to sit on my hands and not write a novel here ... but those ill fated words from "that" father have me seeing stars right now. Those same words that 2 mothers in my neighborhood spoke about 7 weeks ago in regards to their daughter's crap ass behavior ... and for whatever reason, I still cringe when I think about it.

I love that you have Great Danes ... and even a Pit Bull thrown in. The world needs a heck of a lot more of these kind of girlies.

Caroline said...

i think you just communicated exactly what scares the hell out of me about have girlies three of my own. this world is a tough place...

at least once a day, i'm reminded of how the only way to make it through life is knowing i have my own pack of great danes/pitbulls/what have you's. and that i know i'm loved. the loved part... that's the key.

i'm pretty sure those girlies three and the mister know how loved they are! and having a little bark and bite isn't a bad thing... xo

beth said...

my two take after me....talkers.
and thank god while they were in elementary and middle school, it was a private school, that invited and promoted talking.

by high school they had no choice but to listen more, but to this day, there's not an adult that has come in contact with those two who hasn't commented on how wonderful it is to talk with them.

so i'm with you girlfriend....let the kids talk...as long as they don't disrespect the teacher.

Erin O. said...

Thanks for this. I'm in the throes of parenting a strong, busy, social, smart, and engaging 3-year-old girl and some days are. just. annihilating. But I sure as hell don't want a wilting violet...I want her to stand up for her self. So I will try to remember to let that strong girl roar.

raleigh-elizabeth {bunnyvictorious!} said...

my darling herolady who i have much missed in my month of absence from the internet (or at least that's what it felt like), slash really the ONLY thing i've missed from this ridiculous month+ of not really existing,
this makes me very happy. also the chihuahua moniker is really too good not to adopt and evangelize. i know those girls just exactly (and it's sad that that doesn't go away with age but it also seems that they somehow wind up the ones we're talking to over the phone when we call customer service who are just completely and utterly impossible to deal with). but you know, some seventh grade science teacher can stuff it. she can't get her own classroom under control, which, if you ask me, should be a basic requirement for being a teacher, and that if she felt behoved to send an email like that to enlist the parents, that's fine, but to mayhaps respond with a THANK YOU! and ISN'T SHE DOING GREAT OTHERWISE! would have been her best tactic but you can kind of see from the interaction why the kids feel inclined to open some lines of communication. anyway i meeees you and i want to send you my save the date just so i can send it to you! i obviously realize you can't come and are moving to the other side of the world anyway but i think you'd have loved, loved, loved it and it's very pretty and my thank-you-notes are all stamped with a pretty stamp from besotted brand and i should probably end this run on already. i really did pay attention in english, i promise. science, meh. not so much.
luckily i've found that it hasn't been critical to my adult life in any way, shape, or form. they should honestly just try to teach people actual skills in school - like how to fill out your taxes, make perfect cappuccino form, fix a car engine, and bake a fluffy cake. these are good math and science skills i wish i'd learned early on. i'd probably have shown more interest in physics if i had.
i apparently just stopped in to write a nonsensical novel. sorry. and hi.

karey m. said...

kate! great danes are the only kinds of girlies to have! xo

m...you always are raring for a fight! i love that about you!

jill...the WORST parents say those words, in my experience. i want to reply, "let me introduce you to your kid, then." ugh. the worst.

caroline. i always say they got it from him. i may be wrong! yikes!

beth...EXACTLY! life has nothing to do with 7th grade! thank you!

erin...i spent lillie's entire life telling her to stop it, quiet down, drop it, don't bother her, etc. and you know what? she's lovely. just the way she is. she came this way. and i love it. god, i remember when she was three. this time ten years ago she was destroying a christmas pageant. think stage, streamers, little kids pushed over, ending with her and grae wrestling. ON STAGE. with parents aghast in the audience. it's on video. ugh.

bunny. i was just saying to myself last night before i fell asleep that i have to mail you. you in NC and not NYC is going to be a tough adjustment - been there! - and i'm thinking of you! xo

Chrissylove said...

You know I am/was a talker in school. i got 1 detention in all my years of school- yes, for talking in study hall & the injustice of it all was I actually was not talking that time. the irony was not missed by my parents. my thing about talking in school--if a kid is talking too much in school it probably means they like to be there & is that soo awful? I think it's half the battle & I am so glad i have raised 2 talkers. They tell me when something's wrong & when they are over the moon. I always know what's going on in their little noggins. I'm so glad they don't hold it in. my youngest one just interrupted my typing to tell me that she arranged her pretzel sticks in the shape of a half moon. See that, she combined talking & science!

fyi-- I sooo want to see that video...

margaux said...

my husband and i are expecting our first in april, and i just sent him a link to this post with the subject line: i want to be a mom like this. ( : thanks for the inspiration.

Carla @ All of Me Now said...

Like you, I'm mellow yellow until it comes to my girls then I'm a crazed chicken with her head cut off with only a dirty trucker's beak. Your girls sound so amazing and self-assured. I highly, highly recommend you write a parenting book. I'd buy it. And then buy it for any other mamas of girls. Whatever you're doing is so right. ps. your comment on my blog felt like a little holiday present...many thanks =)

Kim in the Cove said...

Go Carey Mackin!!! Good for you!!!

Pam said...

I love this.

My own tiny ninja stood up to some rather extraordinary 10 yr old assholes this week without telling me until after the fact.

She's a good one, this girl.

I had the pleasure of standing next to said assholes mothers at the class holiday party - they were visibly uncomfortable.


And so do you. :)


Catherine Hansen Peart said...

I am a huge fan of this blog and your beautiful words normally but I really feel the need to speak up here. The biggest problem I have with this is everyone assuming that other kid and her parent are horrible. I get the whole 'I love my kid so over the top that I think they are the most wonderful things in the world' I really do. I bet that Father does too. But, one day, your kid will be the one who says something inappropriate because she is a KID and what will you say to the parent who enlightens you? 'Oh my gosh, you are right, my kid is a total asshole!'. I am guessing not. The kid might be a brat. She may not. She might have said it because her frontal lobe hasn't fully developed yet. Not because she has some awful parent or flawed character or anything like that. Kids (and, hey, EVERYONE) just sometimes say stoopid things and don't realise it. No need to go to war about it.

karey m. said...

catherine! i get your point, but this family is HORRIBLE. i mean, horrible. i could write an entire blog dedicated to them and you would peep your pants at the stories.

but i get you. and i always try to walk that fine line between sticking up for my girls and accepting at least 50% of a problem. i HATE it when parents say "that doesn't sound like my daughter..." take half the blame, apologize, and move on. it's worked well for us.

but really? i am kind of a jerk who gets super ugly mean when someone challenges my girls in a way i feel is offensive. i struggle with this after-the-fact, but it's nothing i can apparently turn off. ugh.

and p.s. i have actually responded once or twice with a "OHMYGOSH! that sounds exactly like something lillie or grae would say!" i think it all goes back to knowing your kids...sometimes, they are, in fact, jackasses.


Catherine Hansen Peart said...

Ok, I nearly laughed out loud while everyone is asleep when you said how you have responded sometimes. That would throw most people I think! I will tuck that away to use myself if you don't mind. I get it if you know the family is awful though. We all know people and families like that unfortunately. By the way, my response comes from a place of doing exactly what I described. Being so totally over the top protective of my precious first born only to find out the hard way that she can be a jackass sometimes too! Ah, the humbling joys of parenting. As an aside, I hope you are fully ENJOYING life with a maid. I lived in two countries for over 3 years where this was a possibility and soaked up every wonderful moment of it!