29 August 2011

pancakes...

first morning of school for the girlies three, all. my pancakes seemed to be perfect for once.

golden and light and a little underdone in the middle.

and i felt, for the first time in a very very very long forever, pleased. like, content. equal parts proud and excited and looking forward to...forward.




you know i've struggled being back here in the states. i've tried and tried to climb my way out of it. i have. albeit with large portions of whining, but i've tried.

but then it gets cold again. and then there's something else to clean. but mostly it gets cold again. and just when i find my footing, i lose a little ground. it happens this way every time.

this morning, it's not about the pancakes. it's about a summer when i stopped and enjoyed my time here. i didn't work as much, i didn't clean as much, and i didn't schedule anything at all.

and do you know what's so funny? the girlies never once asked for a play-date this summer. not one. they were happy being...happy. together.

i can't find words to really tell you how i feel this morning. but there's one word that's everything i'm not feeling.

regret.

let me enjoy this until lill's dean calls me to tell me that, yes, lillie's shorts are a little too short for school. either that, or her legs are a little too long. don't even get me started on grae's hot pink lipgloss. i always feel a bit braggy when i tell you how well things are going. however. just in case any of you are feeling lost or cold, i thought it might be nice to know it takes about two and a half years to warm up again and find yourself. maybe less, but certainly no more. and truthfully, the pancakes weren't all that great. photo from here-ish.

9 comments:

krista said...

pancakes that are underdone in the middle are my favorite. makes it hard to go out for pancakes at all. you just made my heart feel so happy i could taste them. (the pancakes, that is.)

Kate said...

I just got all caught up on your blog, and it always makes me happy. Even when it's not happy. I feel that there is a special art in that. Thanks Karey!

Simply Mel {Reverie} said...

there is absolutely nothing wrong with full of happy.

I always recall what what my great-grandmother told me, "share the good and smiles because people tend to remember the bad more than the good".

perhaps I just hope spreading happy will be remembered most.

beautiful day to you lovely karey!

Richie Designs said...

honestly, I'm happy to hear about how [great] things are going with you.

I feel like my girlfriends only tell me about the bad stuff with their kids and roll their eyes and growl like they would be happy to give away their smalls to the first takers.

talking to them doesn't make me want to join the team at all.

reading yours does.

just sayin'

Katie said...

I'm so happy to hear about your good dose of happiness. It is so good for sisters to love being together and knowing that they'll always treasure that time. I sometimes have to remind myself that sometimes, life can't help being happy--happiness is always just something to grab and love for however long it lasts and to remember whenever you don't have it.

Kimberlee @ Brown Button said...

'looking forward to.... forward' Sheesh Karey - you get me every time. just when I didn't think I could you admire you any more, you write a post like this. Honesty, humility and kick arse words. love you!!! x

melissa loves said...

Gah...I love that quote so much and couldn't agree more. I am so happy you had a summer like that....a summer with no regret. And that you have warmed up and found your spot again....and looking forward to forward. I look forward to that too....
xo
Melis

Torrie said...

I found your blog through Melissa (Reverie Daydream), and I just wanted to stop by and say that your words, images, stories... they're lovely. I'm happy to have found a new place to be inspired :).

sofia said...

thanks for giving me a tiny shred of hope and reminding me that these days will come along, as long as i stick this one out.

i really did need it today.