26 May 2011

my weekly wrist....

when uncle sugar is away, i wear his watch.

the exchange always goes the same way. he clasps it on my wrist and says don't lose it like he's not talking about the watch. and i wave my hand and say oh, pat...it's insured! and then he says don't lose it like he's actually talking about the watch.

it is a leetle stressful, but far less so than...say...the nightmare i had last night.

we were living in the next place where we're set to live, and the girlies were playing lacrosse catch on the back lawn. all of a sudden, an anaconda slithered into the scene.

{note: this morning, i wiki'd whether or not there are any anacondas in the next place where we're set to live. there are not. however, there are reticulated pythons that can grow as long or longer as anacondas. also, they are faster and more agile. and that news kind of stinks.}

i screamed for the girlies to come. and they turned and looked at me and asked why? or what? i can't remember and both words honestly make my blood turn black.

used to be, i could fake-whistle {i can't whistle. did you know this? so i make this sound like psst-psst. and then my girlies and everyone else in the universe who can't whistle turn and look at me. it's the best i can do.} and the girlies would come running. no questions.

used to be, they told their teachers that, no, in fact there are six senses. the sixth one is the one that tells you when someone's going to kidnap you. now? their sixth sense is a creepy whisper from the top bunk...i see dead people.

used to be, we'd head back to the states for a visit and they'd ask their nona why the heck she was driving with her windows open. someone can throw a bomb in your car, nona! did she not know this? illinois is a dangerous place.

oh dear. i'm trying to think of an ending for this post and i'm all why am i telling these poor things about fake whistles and reticulated pythons?! how did i end up here? i was supposed to walk in, show you my wrist, maybe tell you how i am missing my uncle sugar and how i wear his watch and these ridiculous kukui beads he bought from a gift shop and how someone yesterday asked why i never wear my wedding rings and how i answered ummm. the guy's name is tattooed on my foot. i need the rings, as well?!

oh dear. the end.


raleigh-elizabeth {bunnyvictorious!} said...

this one's hysterical. i'm excited for rings because then no one else will ask me why i'm not wearing a mizpah coin or dog tags or anything else. and, turns out, "because i hate crap jewelry" isn't terribly popular. and the "where is your support!?!!" line tends to be followed by me explaining, dumbly, i'm WITH him, do i need to actually plaster myself his life to support him? because if so, i expect him in a full glitter suit pronto.

people are always so happy to apply their standards to other people. i think i should take up this mantle and ask that everyone should great me with cupcakes, blackberries, and champagne because i think that's how it should be done. {and my standards clearly should apply to everyone.}


Caroline said...

can't top bunny's post! :-)

buuuut i do love the weekly wrist. remains my favorite.

and being one who needs a visual, i've googled the snakes you described. i'll be having nightmares for the rest of 2011, even worse than when i watched anaconda 1 & 2. xo!

Jessica said...

I read your weekly wrist post and then randomly clicked over to the amrita singh sale that's currently tempting me on gilt. just in case you hadn't clicked that way yet.
I hate snakes in dreams or otherwise and I love your blog.

Simply Mel {Reverie} said...

can we have a friday foot shot? tickles me pink to know you have uncle sugar's name tattooed on your foot.

and i never wear my wedding rings either. why is it so important? i know who has my heart and that's all that matters.

Trina said...

The watch is the sweetest thing, evah. Totally wishing something like that in my life. And for the record I can't whistle either. And, I'm for a friday foot post too!
xo trina

JAMIE said...

you have a tattoo of your boys name!! yum.

melissa loves said...

Now, just stop it! Stop making me adore you even more & think you are even Cooler than I already do! I mean, it just isn't fair, is it? When I am way over here? sigh. And your wrist? rocks. I already know that I would love Pat too....awesome.