03 June 2010

wildlife...

there's a raccoon in front of our house. it comes out to play during the day.

during. the. day.




now. i grew up on a farm. back then, when a raccoon came out to play during the day? it usually meant that my dad would be coming home at lunchtime for a sandwich and a shootfest.

terribly exciting, yes? i think i even wrote a t.ruffles about it. the only more gruesome adventure is when a cow went crazy one summer. that. did. not. end. well.

wait. that's wrong. the worst farm story i have is when my pet goat, heidi, got gobbled up by a pack of dobermans.




uncle sugar still tells that sweet little anecdote every once in a while to ensure no one thinks i'm too fancy. "she grew up with a goat! as a pet! and then it got attacked! by a pack of dobermans!"

nice.

anyway. i called animal control. after listening to a five-minute recording on how to help injured wildlife, i finally reached a real person.




"are you calling about an injured mammal?" she asked brightly.

"no, ma'am." i replied politely. "i'm calling about a mammal i'd like to injure."

i thought that was hilarious. i'm sure she was laughing. silently.

after telling her the story of the raccoon - and, admittedly, the one about heidi - there was more silence. lots more.

"in the state of virginia," she informed me in a clenched jaw kind of judgy voice, "wildlife is protected."

"so can i..." i tried to interrupt, because this was not going anywhere i needed it to go.




"PROTECTED," nothing silent about her now, "WHICH MEANS YOU MUST LEARN TO CO-EXIST WITH WILDLIFE. AND WHICH MEANS YOU CANNOT KILL THEM. UNLESS THE RACCOON IS SHOWING SIGNS OF RABIES OR AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR..."

"oh! rabies! yes yes yes!" i mean, i've seen old yeller. or was it to kill a mockingbird? "it's all foaming at the mouth and walking sideways..."

"it is?" super incredulous judgy now.

"no."

we agreed to disagree. i might have also agreed to buy some mothballs, but only after she assured me they wouldn't make my house smell old lady.

so i'm sitting here, thinking that this has been a ridiculous waste of a morning. and that i miss my armed guards in jordan. and i miss my dad. and also? i wonder what stash couture could do with raccoon hide.

13 comments:

maggie said...

hahaha!

jules @ The Diversion Project said...

oh you so speak my language.

as a country girl and ex farmer's wife, i know where you're coming from.

and when it's a bag, i want to see it!!! xoxo

mrs. darling said...

after i read the first two lines, i immediately thought of the time, when i was young, that a racoon came out to play and my dad shot it when he came in from farming during lunch!

also, i might have laughed at the lady on the phone. do they expect you to make the racoon a pet? racoons freak me out, i think it's their hands (paws?)...

Callie Grayson said...

haha, i completely understand.... they scare me, I think it's their eyes and the way they are shift like!! behind that black band.
I live near the woods and their are racoons everywhere.
xx
callie

Raleigh-Elizabeth said...

you just made my entire day.

Mlle Paradis said...

lovin the stash couture and good luck with the mothballs. they did nothing for me. my neighbor called a commercial animal control company (cause she was visiting them too) and they took her to another neighborhood!

it was either that or the coyotes. cause she's gone now.

Vintage Simple said...

Oh, dear.

We called animal control because we found a baby opossum in our recycling bin. They're so ugly they're cute, you know? We were so intent on saving it... The animal control guy was the opposite of your lady. Really? It's Friday afternoon, ma'am. 4:55pm, in fact. On a Friday.

Anyway, I learned that opossums' blood temperature is too low to carry rabies. Did you know that?

I know. This is in no way supporting your wanting to get rid of the raccoon. I'm a terrible friend. I don't know how I'd feel about raccoons. In plain daylight. They're a little shiftier, those raccoons.

Then again, I grew up in the city. And there were no raccoons.

I hope it moves away. I have a feeling that if he knows better, he will. ;)

xoox,
-maria

Andrea said...

Liar. No way you can miss the armed guard! I'll keep the rest of that editorial to myself. I know you can read my mind.

We had a fox with babies in our backyard back home. The wildlife people's suggestion to get rid of it? Play loud music - it would make them move. I. kid. you. not. Ummm, yes. It worked. Beside the point I think.

karey m. said...

andrea?! is that you?! no more blog?! when are you coming home?!

and maria...only you could make me wish this coonie was an oppossum. a baby one, at that. because i grew up on a farm. and if an oppossum came out during the day?

eek.

no more farm stories. xoxo, everyone! i smile so hard at your comments!

c.bean said...

we had an encounter with a daytime visit from a raccoon about a month ago. being concerned that this was abnormal behavior, we called our animal control. they came out right away. turns out the poor thing had distemper.

so. that co-existing thing is fine... except when it comes to transmissible diseases. just saying..

hope your raccoon is a healthy, different drummer type of raccoon... not content to live by the confines of the nocturnal demands of it's nature!

Uncle Beefy said...

OMG! LMAO! Don't tell PETA!

I knew there was a profound connection! I had a goat for a pet too!!! Damian. He was white and I always wanted to feed him apple strudel. Was the mascot of your high school a potato like mine? 'Cause then it would just get spooky.

Stash said...

thanks for the mention, i think ;)
sooo far behind on blogs
meeting myself coming and going as i try to shut down the studio for a bit to hit the road
have a GREEEEAAAAAAAAT summer with the girlies!
love the goldfish pic

C

The Lil Bee said...

Karey! We will be fighting if you injure that raccoon! I think it's a little weird that he's coming out in the daytime though, admittedly. Stay away...I would assume rabies, too. I can't believe they wouldn't come take him...?!