01 February 2011

a weight on my chest...

so this thing in egypt is heavy on our souls, yes?

i can't help but think this is one of those moments that will matter. a domino of sorts. and i don't know anything about anything, but it burns me that all was well about a week ago. not to dumb it down at all - at. all. - but i would think...being a parent and all...that someone was supposed to be watching out for things like this.




{hmm. i've just deleted three vehement paragraphs. you don't need my world worries here. let me tell you another story, then.}

last night, esmé couldn't get enough of me. like, couldn't get close enough. actually said "we were made for each other, weren't we?"




she fell asleep on top of me, all long-limbed sprawl, and i must've fallen asleep, too.

around midnight, i woke with a gasp. forty-five pounds weighing down my chest. my arms were numb and i couldn't move. not. one. stitch. i honestly whimpered "halp."

but no one heard me.




{hmm. this story's going nowhere. like, speedily. and king abdullah of jordan - the one with eyes as blue as the sea and who once called me ma'am - just dismissed his government. off to cnn. maybe i'll try again tomorrow. until then. also, to my favorite sisters three over there? don't you even think i've forgotten about you. xoxo. all photos found here.}

13 comments:

Andrea said...

Do you feel like you know too much? Like maybe if you knew less, you could be more idealistic like everyone else seems to be? Like it could be the beginning of something really wonderful but you can also see how it can be the beginning of something so scary that ignorance would be so much better? Or am I just the ultimate pessimist who was a little too close?

karey m. said...

yeah...i'm normally beyond optimistic, aren't i?! not today.

must go visit your new space!

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

i've had no idea what's going on -- sometimes schoolwork takes me out of the real world for a few days. i don't know what to do about all the heartbreaking things in the world sometimes, but i know i can start trying something, one by one.

Raleigh-Elizabeth said...

i figure that, being at columbia and getting my phd in international affairs, i ought to have something intelligent to offer here.
but i don't. i don't not at all.

i'm feeling like something is caught in my gut like it must have been in the balkans in 1914. when this little thing, what was really a little tiny thing, this one man, this one g. princip, started the first war that would engulf the world. i feel like we're right there, standing on the precipice of history, and looking down at the great gulf before us, saying, "oh, gosh. shouldn't we have seen this coming?" but we've all been busy buying groceries and taking care of the people we love and scrubbing our bathrooms and saying hullos.

and i feel like we're just starting to say hullo to a bunch of Me Too revolutions.

(very techincal phd term. a "me too revolution." i do feel like it gets the point across, though, don't you?)

Mary said...

Yes, it definitely is weighing on me, and I have no ties at all to the country or the region. But when I see the families - moms and dads and kids - just trying to keep things going, keep their kids safe, keep food on the table, in the midst of chaos...my heart aches.

Amie aka MammaLoves said...

I can't help but think that the Chinese gov't is quaking in their boots.

What will this world be next week?

goodniteirene.wordpress.com said...

karey,
no matter how vehement we need/want those paragraphs.

it's strange. i feel the east. like a buzzing, hot energy over to our left.
buzz buzz. buzz buzz.
hear us. see us. help us.
i cry stupid tears. i feel lazy, fat, and spoiled.

Simply Mel said...

it's safe to say, katie seems to put my thoughts into more eloquent words.

There's been a huge sour lump in my throat for a week, I'm sickened, sad, and feel completely helpless.

Ana Degenaar said...

I agree with the comments above. I am too sickened and saddened.

Richie Designs said...

I feel like I know so little about what's happening in the east that I don't know enough even to ask a question.
{now I feel bad about that too}

sometimes I'm like an ostrich sticking my head in the sand because it's too big and too scary.

the lil bee said...

I've been thinking about you actually, with all this crap going on. I imagine it's hitting home a little harder for you. I love that Esme, too... she comes up with such sweetness:)

kathleen said...

sadly, you know what this post reminded me of? vodka j. and talking his ear off.

Amy said...

I'm having trouble not feeling angry at all the people who aren't glued to their tvs (live AJE feeds for me) this week. But I think it's just all my sadness needing somewhere closer to land on. I know your heart is breaking.