our hall closet's doorknob has been sticking for seventy-eleventy million years.
and then today it just plain wouldn't open. so i removed the doorknob. and then the inside little doorknob fell off. i could hear it thump to the bottom of the closet. and it still wouldn't open.
so i rested the doorknob almost perfectly back where it once lived and hoped like hell it wouldn't fall off until uncle sugar came home and tried to open it.
whereupon, i'm going to assume it will pull smack off in his hand. whereupon, i'm going to assume he'll throw out a swear or three and ask who the hell did this?
whereupon, i will throw him a look like i do not know what you are saying, sister. he will say i am not your sister and forget all about the doorknob. and then i will go back to whatever i am doing at the moment. which is most likely pretending that i had nothing to do with the screwing off of that doorknob.
i didn't factor esmé into this equation. i still can't find that doorknob. she is a good hider.
so i bet i'd call uncle sugar at work and say something interesting like so the doorknob...
and then he would say something about wd40. and then i would spill my beans and tell him about the screwing off. and then someone would call that decision asinine. and then someone else would decide to wait until he comes home to tell him about the missing bit.
and no one...i repeat, no one...would decide to remove the door from its hinges. because that decision would be asinine.
everything cool is from pinterest. one two and three.
and then today it just plain wouldn't open. so i removed the doorknob. and then the inside little doorknob fell off. i could hear it thump to the bottom of the closet. and it still wouldn't open.
so i rested the doorknob almost perfectly back where it once lived and hoped like hell it wouldn't fall off until uncle sugar came home and tried to open it.
whereupon, i'm going to assume it will pull smack off in his hand. whereupon, i'm going to assume he'll throw out a swear or three and ask who the hell did this?
whereupon, i will throw him a look like i do not know what you are saying, sister. he will say i am not your sister and forget all about the doorknob. and then i will go back to whatever i am doing at the moment. which is most likely pretending that i had nothing to do with the screwing off of that doorknob.
i didn't factor esmé into this equation. i still can't find that doorknob. she is a good hider.
so i bet i'd call uncle sugar at work and say something interesting like so the doorknob...
and then he would say something about wd40. and then i would spill my beans and tell him about the screwing off. and then someone would call that decision asinine. and then someone else would decide to wait until he comes home to tell him about the missing bit.
and no one...i repeat, no one...would decide to remove the door from its hinges. because that decision would be asinine.
everything cool is from pinterest. one two and three.
8 comments:
why is it the domesticated things always turn into a 'train wreck'?
remove those from the equation and it could easily be all shooting stars and disco balls.
Well said s m. I believe that the door leaning against my wall has become more art than eye sore...when my husband and I both know we are just waiting for my dad to visit to figure what we (I) did wrong!!
I'm a new reader to your blog.
I thought I was only into visual pleasure.
Now I know words can be even stronger.
Stronger than the eye.
Who knew.
I like you.
And your words.
Thank you for that discovery.
Read you tomorrow.
it's good thing i wasn't there. i get so determined when it comes to matters of that sort that i probably would have had the door off its hinges.
that first one is so perfect!
ask me about the time that I got a DVD stuck in the player and the wires I cut to "attempt" to get it out.
yah my roomie's boyfriend would never let me forget that one.
I mean duh it doesn't work right? unscrew it and take it apart meaning...someone else puts it back together.
Pure hilarity!
There may or may not be four significant chunks taken out of my daughter's wall that my husband is not aware of. I made them attempting to remove nails and when I determined that I couldn't remove the nails and had done a damn fine job of creating holes around them, I ushered my girl and myself to Target and purchased four small frames to cover said holes.
When he discovers them I plan on borrowing your "I do not know what you are saying, sister" look.
Hey! I just saw another message in another blog that looked like this. How do you know all this stuff? That's one cool post.
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