15 April 2010


lillie and grae asked for a little brother for years. the closest we could come is giving them the little hooligan known as esmé.

somewhere along the way, in a genius burst of inspiration, uncle sugar started telling the girlies three tales about his son from a previous relationship.

{note: there is no son. i repeat. uncle sugar does not have a son. only the girlies three. because, as he always says, it takes a real man to make a woman. ugh.}

his fake son's name is ricky. apparently, he is in his forties. which makes him a smidge older than uncle sugar. just one of about one hundred details the girlies three have not yet questioned.

yesterday, esmé and i were at the bookshop when she handed me a book about a little rabbit. what's the name of this one? she asked.

ricky, i answered.

oh! like daddy's son!

i looked around at the other nannies, smiled in a shush it, esmé clenched jaw kind of a smile, and hisspered, daddy. doesn't. have. a. son.

she looked at me like i'd lost my mind.

yes, he does! RICKY! remembah? his little boy with that lady? ROBERT?

ahh, yes. the fake mother of uncle sugar's son, ricky, is named robert. perfect.

at the end of our day, the three of us were lounging in bed. {don't even start me on the co-sleeping. she now falls asleep in our bed, and then we throw her in her own for the night. progress?} uncle sugar was flipping through channels during a chopped commercial break, and happened upon a lovely little show called billy the exterminator.

did you know billy the exterminator has a brother named ricky?

as soon as they heard the name, both of them sat straight up. esmé gasped ricky? at the very same moment uncle sugar fake-wailed MAH BOY! in the ickiest southern-esque twang you've honestly never heard come from a person's mouth. unless you're really unlucky.

at this point, i'm just shaking my head. this is awful. ricky is a tall and wiry middle-aged fella with a blond mullet, wearing acid-wash and leather accessories. do you know that uncle sugar is a dark little italian thug in brooks brothers?

man. his ex, robert, must have been something else.

but esmé is clearly confused. i know she's thinking this CAN'T be ricky. finally. a girlie with some sense, right?

dad? her face is all scrunched up. ummm? he has legs.

oh! that's right! uncle sugar's son, ricky, lost his legs in a sawmill accident.

let's just end with that. it's not really necessary to tell you uncle sugar's response, which may or may not have included the bionic legs that he bought ricky for his thirty-sixth birthday. is it? or that he purchased them on special at wal-mart? or that the bionic legs aren't even the same height, which gives his ricky a lop-sided gait? but, still. think about it. it's a bionic lop-sided gait.

did you grow up with stories like this? tell me we're not wrecking our girlies three...

sorry for the random pics. annabel kassar designs a lot of cool spaces in the middle east. and i have a serious case of wanderlust this week. xoxo.


Sherry said...

oh, yippeee...i'm first. (which means i should be doing my mile long to-do list instead of blogging so early in the day..it's supposed to be an afternoon treat).

i love the image of all of you piled in bed telling stories and laughing. it will continue for years and years.

our kiddos slept with us for years...and then sadly moved to either the floor or a makeshift bed on the ottoman in our room.

although they all now sleep in their own rooms (boo-hoo)..the laughing continues. the other day my husband acted like the terminator for 20 minutes straight and i about peed my pants. and it was the hardest our too-cool-for-his-parents teenager has laughed in months.

the name ricky will forever more have a whole new meaning :)

c.bean said...

then it's not just my crazy man doing this? our three girls listen to their father's tales of his other family... the one living in Germany. there's his other wife Helga, and his sons Hans, Frederick, and Tom.

so if you're wrecking yours, then we're wrecking ours! but I doubt that we are...isn't fiction sometimes as important as fact? it's often more fun anyway.

and you know your girls will always remember ricky and his bionic lop-sided limp...even when they're little old ladies!

mary said...

This is HILARious! xoxo

Caroline said...

your girlies three will be fantastic story tellers... not just because of their daddio but because of their mom as well :)

Aunt LoLo said...

When I was growing up, there were three types of stories told by my father. Four if you count the way he butchered our story books.

1) Bozo and Magilikuddie (Maa-gill-u-cud-dee) Bozo was a boy, and MK was his snake. He liked to hide in places and scare Bozo's parents.

2) The Stupids. They, obviously, did really, really stupid things. Why? Because they were stupid.

3) Scary stories, that always started out with a deep, resonant, dramatic, "It was a dark and stormy night...." and usually ended with slugs from the garden growing to the size of our Suburban and attacking the house.

I turned out just fine! (If you don't count the nightmares about monster sized slugs.)

(Kidding about the nightmares about slugs. heh)

Aunt LoLo said...

On second thought, all those stories did teach me one thing - smart, intelligent, reasonable people aren't NEARLY as interesting to talk about as dumb, moronic and crazy people.

Maybe that's why I blog now. heh

juste venteux said...

I just want to tell you how much I love your blog and your writing. I feel so lucky to have come across your blog!

Married with Puppies said...

I love it! My dad used to tell stories like this to my sister and me when we were little. I still remember them -- and I think we both turned out okay. :)

I tell stories like this to my husband, now. :) Sometimes about the dogs, sometimes just about random things. He tells me stories about the dogs. We both love it!

jules @ The Diversion Project said...

ok. normally, things are hilarious. this is FLIPping hilarious.

uncle sugar is the MAN. A tall mulletted dood who's older than you as a son. gees, he must be potent.

never fear, kids thrive on trickery and guile, my boys only found out the other year that i wasn't 26.

they came home from their dad's house after a weekend when i turned 39, saying 'mum, the jig is up. dad told us you're not really 26, he said you're 39 just like he is'.

to which i responded, 'well he's just saying that because he's upset about turning 50! people do strange things as they get older - they try and hide it'.

the fact that the ferals believed ME still warms my heart :)

wow, so you're a step mum to a mullet head. who knew eh?!

: )brilliant xxxx

Shannon said...

I needed that laugh. Thanks

sarah said...

my stepdad loved to tell me things like that. mainly focusing on pig's blood in my soup and squirrels in my hotdogs. oh, and that they used cows to make saddle shoes.

he was a nice addition to the family.

Shayna said...

Wow, that Uncle Sugar is something...ha!

Yes, my pops used to tell us stories upon stories, upon stories. Many of them we believed. Most of them told in parts every night, ending with "to be continued..." to which we would shriek with excitement and yell, "Preview! Preview!". (Yes, children of the modern world...).

Different but no less interesting, he would also hide behind doors so that he could jump out, scare us and proclaim, "An Akido master is always prepared for the unexpected!".

Dads...wow, they can really be the best. Oh, and I used to make up all sorts of things to tell the kids I babysat. Like, tons of things...

Robin said...

wrecking? not at all...in fact, can I move in and hear all the fun tales??

chelseadagger said...

This is my FAVORITE post about your family so far. (& I've been quietly reading for awhile now). Ruining them? Pshaw, no! They'll be such fun grown-ups.

It's not quite so tall as your tall tale, but my nephew was convinced for the longest time that a lion lived in the tall bushy grass in our backyard. All the men in the family perpetuated the story with fairly realistic roars anytime he got brave enough to go see for himself.

Richie Designs said...

I'm laughing but also thinking, now would be a good time to start a "therapy fund"

he's a stinker yes?

Nikella said...

Oh, that was funny! I had to laugh so hard I was crying...
We have stories like that in our family, too. I just hope that our kids don't mention them to other people - I fear not everybody would "get them".

la la Lovely said...

Oh Karey, this is too funny. I think I did a snort laugh. I'm all for this sort of wrecking. But then, I do like to make up crazy tales. My hubby isn't so much for this sort of wrecking. He didn't grow up with Santa or the Easter bunny (sad, right?) so even that can be a stretch for him. Just the other day I was telling my Ella how her aunt is part mermaid and that is why she can talk to the dolphins.
I adore your stories...keep telling them!!!!!

Amie aka MammaLoves said...

Shoot! We just tell the boys my husband has a special chip in his brain--one that makes him really smart. We even have an xray to prove it.

But lop-sided bionic legs for your 36th birthday that were purchased on sale from Wal-mart?! Makes all my birthday presents seem sort of dull.

A-M said...

Congratulations on your mullet headed, bionic legged son! We're a big story family here too. Hubby's bedtime stories make my boys scream with delight... and often end up being rude or the grossest thing you've ever heard... the boys think he's king... every night, "Dad will you tell us a story"? A-M xx

mrs. darling said...

i cannot stop laughing! i am fairly certain uncle sugar is brilliant and one day i will weave tails like this for my children. hilarious!

my parents never told us stories like this. but for a solid six months before our summer vacation i convinced my little sister (who was around 6 at the time) that the foam on the waves in the ocean is dolphin spit. it completely grossed her out to the point she stood on the beach in terror as my parents encouraged her to play in the waves. once the truth came out...yeah, i got in trouble. but not as much trouble as the time when i convinced her she was getting a puppy for christmas. (nope, no puppy.)

Simply Mel said...

I read this 4 times...because it is absolutely AWESOME! Makes me want a step-brother named Ricky with no legs and a mama named Robert! Goodness this is great! The girlies three cannot help but have wild imaginations with parents like you ~ will you adopt me?

Ashley said...

This just made me laugh so hard! I think it's wonderful that your husband has created this wonderfully elaborate character for your girlies to adore. I think that kind of creativity is so inspirational and often hard to find in men

Brandie said...

I love it!!

I don't even know where to begin with all the tall tales my Dad told me. Probably the most long-running tale was that he (my dad) was hatched from an egg and that my Grandpa (who by the way we called Grandpa Ogre due to another quirk of my Dad's - giving everyone nicknames that tend to stick) sat on the egg ... which he found on the front porch one day ... in a big nest ... until it hatched ... it goes on and on.

Now, when my Dad tells me anything at all far fetched he usually has to prove it with a more trust worthy person backing him up. Oh how I adore him. :)

Melissa de la Fuente said...

"but, Dad? Ummm? he has legs." hee hee ha ha ho ho hee hee ( snurfle kursnurffle) snort, wipes tear from eye.....Ack. Thanks darlin, I needed that! I swear, if I don't meet & spend oodles of time with you, Uncle Sugar and the girlies 3 I will never, ever forgive you! :)

Natalie said...

Unfortunately, my parents were not creative enough to think of such stories; but does it count that I was thisclose to actually convincing my son that I have eyes in the back of my head? That's a tall-tale, right?

Barchbo said...

Coincidentally, Ricky is the name of my dad's "French cousin" who "comes to visit" - still! His full name is Ricky Pierre and he is very silly, talks like Pepe LePew, and wears a backwards beret.

It's so much fun to have a fun dad - but best of all to have a dad/parents who are invested in building a family. SO blessed are the girlies three!

Design Mom said...

Oh my. This is the best post in the whole world.

Vintage Simple said...

I'm with Melissa - would you guys adopt me?? That was hilarious. I loved it. Thank you, dear.


Amanda said...

I don't think I'll ever be able to take someone named Ricky seriously again! Hilarious + awesome story! You win best post award! xx

Damaris said...

oh the joys of parenting...

Meander said...

oh wow! I don't remember what first made me laugh out loud: was it the acid wash or the Brooks Brother's ehhhh I'm not sure. Either way, thank you darling for the Saturday morning trip! Too too funny!!!

Caroline @ The Feminist Housewife said...

I was told by my parents that there was a fairy that lived in the air vents named Fredricka. (Fre-dreak-ah).

I have no idea why.

But I believed it for years.

Doralyn said...

My sister used to go pound on the typewriter when she was a toddler and take the page to my father who would "read" it to her. Her stories all featured her teddy bear Seymour and were about his native land, Zambaweeka. My sister was enthralled with her story-telling skills and with the idea of having Zambaweeken babies when she grew up. And now, she's a super-creative 30 year old with a great imagination!

wool and misc said...

hilarious! i'm sure they'll be just fine. kids are resilient. i co-slept with my mom until i was like 10!!! i turned out........ well the jury's still out.


krista said...

this post is so awesome it has taken me this long to not be able to come up with a comment worthy enough. this will have to suffice.

Steph Bond @ Bondville said...

I just died laughing. Thanks so much for putting some fun into my day.

My Nanna has always told me (and she turned 91 last week) that her middle finger was half bitten off by a pig. She used to poke me with her "pig finger" and I'd shriek and run away. I wonder what really happened...

Kristin said...

belly laughs. out loud belly laughs at that one.

My dad used to tell us that he had a long long son who he lost in our front hall closet (which was packed to the gills) whenever he felt like my sister, mom and I were ganging up on him. Poor Dad. Always outnumbered. ;)

Linz said...

Wow! Write down the details of these hilarious stories now. (which you did a little bit here) So that when your girls are a little older they can look back on all the details and laugh!

Kim in the Cove said...

Oh this made me laugh so hard on a day when I might not have laughed otherwise. You are too good, Karey! Your girlies are growing up in the House of Mackin and it all sounds Spectacular!!! :)

thebluemuse said...

So funny! I adore your imagery. Can't wait to hear what happens when the girlies put two and three together. Now I won't be able to hear the name "Ricky" without chuckling. I love it!

Callie Grayson said...

oh. my. gosh! I am laughing hysterically in my workstation, trying to be quiet, my eyes are tearing and the person across from me keeps looking me like I am crazy!!!!

this has got to be the funniest story ever!! ricky!!!

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Suzie Monk said...

All growing up Dad would tell us about our missing brother Tommy (Thomas Anthony). Mom had a miscarriage and he said that when we went to heaven that would be our other brother, but we refer(ed) to him all the time and it very much confuses people. He even has a Facebook account. I'm not sure how Mom felt about it; the whole thing is a little bit more than insensitive, I think.

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