24 February 2010

i had to be a parent yesterday afternoon.

it was an issue-filled few hours overflowing with decisions only i could make. like, do i protect my girlie at the risk of jeopardizing that guy's job? or do i protect that guy's job at the risk of jeopardizing my girlie?

huh. when i write it out, it all makes perfect sense. yesterday, it just didn't.

i ended up protecting both. which wasn't easy for me. i know you really really really want to believe otherwise, but i am quite vindictive and treacherous {did you just giggle? me, too.} when it comes to protecting my stuff. and i consider my girlies three and my uncle sugar to be my stuff.

all is perfectly fine now, but i'm left feeling a bit wilted.

i've said it a million times, but this business of making people...man. did you think it'd be this too much?

too much worry-stomachaches and too much impatient fast-forwarding and too much wishful rewinding and too much tears - both at the beauty of it all and the beast - and too much sour moods and too much quarters for gumballs and too much think all of them'll go to university? and too much protecting and too much warning and too much what-iffing and too much loud get to beds and too much whispered good mornings and too. much. love.

yeah. the too much love keeps me in the game, as well.

did i ever tell you uncle sugar and i were going to buy a boat and a zippy little audi two-seater a smidge of a minute before i discovered i was pregnant with lillie kate? we ended up passing on that stuff for the unknown in my belly.

excellent decision.

shoes available here. because i don't know about you, but i shop for sensible shoes when i'm feeling low. i'm secretly hoping my summer looks like the ones above. have a sweet day, friends. and did you see yesterday's t.ruffle? it made me laugh.


Anonymous said...

you make the idea of mummy-dom not so scary. i'm eternally grateful for that. it is something i so desperately want. some...day.
so. scary.
worse than the tallest tower without a safety net. and that used to be my biggest fear. used to be.

Shannon said...

I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary in this making people biz...it is scary, the what ifs are always creeping right behind me, but with each days new wake up smile, because every morning she wears one, I can't help but think I. can. do. this. She is the best what if I ever wondered.

Richie Designs said...

that is a good T. Ruffle I had forgot to check

yah, the too much part...it makes me think I'm not cut out to do it. even with the good parts.

the Audi on the other hand? I can lock up in the garage when it becomes too much


Rachel said...

Some days I wish you could come mother me a little. This is one of those days. :)

Pretty Neat Designs said...

I'm not in the business of making people, but you make it sound like I might be missing more than I ever thought. But I am quite deep in the business of buying shoes to pick me up!

Brandi said...

when i become a mom someday, i so wanna be like you. the thought it really overwhelming and i like knowing that even when the overwhelming-not-so-good happens, the overwhelming-really-good outweighs it. seriously magical.

kathleen said...

k, i'm just ridiculously curious. what happened?!

la la Lovely said...

Oh I know what you mean about ...ALL of that! It really is one big beautiful mess. AND....
That was a very good one (Truffle), miss mackin!!!! I love those kind, almost, the best. If you sell this one in your shoppe....I am buying.
xx Trina

krista said...

"too much impatient fast-forwarding and too much wishful rewinding"

i feel this one in the back of my abdomen. at all times.

Anonymous said...

always protect the girlies. always. but I'm glad you found a way to do both. and your words pretty much sum up the whole parenting adventure. who knew it would be like this? no one could have even told us but you seemed to have written it the best of anyone I've ever seen.

jules @ The Diversion Project said...

oooh yeah, can be awfully awfully scary if i think something or someone is messing with my kids.

glad to know someone else does the raised voice get to bed and the whipered good morning, always nice to know i'm not alone in what feels like total hypocrisy -even though it is 100% necessary!

Happenstance said...

I know the "too much's" very well. I got to know them 3 years ago with my newborn daughter and now my 1 year old son has brought with him some more "too much's." They do like to keep me on my toes those "too much's." I say this as he push-walks a chair across the room as I type. Too much cute:)

Kristin said...

now that I've got my own babies, I finally undertand. parenting is challenging and rewarding and tiring and exhilirating and sometimes makes me ask 'what were we thinking' and then other times makes me think 'this is exactly what i was meant to do.' and my little beasties? they're only 5 months old! i can't imagine life without them and yet, i'm already holding on to my hat for the rollercoaster of parenting to come. ;)

Simply Mel said...

Having the crumb is the ultimate daredevil move I have ever taken, and now, I'm ready for anything (note: eyes closed, teeth clinched, knuckles white)!

Vintage Simple said...

Oh, yes... You've written words for my feelings - and you've summarized them perfectly. As always.

Noah had a bad fall (he's fine, but blood-everywhere-kind-of-fall) Tuesday afternoon. As I was trying to get the bleeding to stop, soothing my crying boy, deciding whether to go to the Urgent Care or not... during that whole time, I stayed remarkably calm. It was later that day, when night came and everyone lay asleep, that it finally hit me - the exhaustion.

Making people and keeping them safe, and hoping they'll make it to adulthood in one piece, their bodies relatively unharmed and their little hearts intact... It's more of everything than I ever thought I'd be able to handle...


Melissa de la Fuente said...

Yes, yes and yes. You say it all perfectly dear Karey...perfectly for me and for all of us. Also, i want to second what Maria said. And I SO hope your summer looks like these shoes & your t.ruffle made me laugh too...so much. I think it should say that too! "skip" "don't skip SO much better! (in pink, yes.)

Boy Crazy said...

(slipping out of the shadows to tell you...)

i hear you on this one. "this business of making people...man. did you think it'd be this too much?"

i get sucker-punched with this on a regular basis. you'd think i'd learn.

(i absolutely adore your blog and your t.ruffles. adore.)