mackin ink

it hits me at the oddest moments.

late late late way later than a four year old should be awake late last night, i hopped out of the shower. slathered lotions and potions and spritzes of fracas.

by the way, this confounds the heck out of lillie and grae. why do you put on perfume for bed? they ask. because i always want to smell like me. i answer.

then we think about it. really think about it. and we're all three confounded. lillie, my in-house hippie chick whose future surely holds dreadlocks, patchouli, almost-finished degrees on hold while she finds herself which will probably involve finding a band to follow first, and maybe even a lover who plays the guitar, gives up trying to make sense of anything mainstream-smelly at that point. grae disappears to find her chanel no. 5. plus her phd.

but back to last night. of course, esmé was in our bed. now. my bed may look an awful lot like it's my bed. more than half of it may also look like it is uncle sugar's bed. which really makes it our bed. but somewhere along the late late bedtimes, esmé has somehow thrown herself into our our.

i walk out of the bath, all shiny and soft and sweetly gardenia. and that little thing clasps her hands together. smiles this smile like...like...i don't know. like i was the most beautiful thing she's ever seen and she loved me like nothing else in the world and it pained her. it honestly pained her. like that.

broke. my. heart.

just to see that raw love, do you know? to hear her gasp. like...there you are.

and it hit me. at that odd little moment. i need you, esmé dahlia.

tell me you have those moments, too. when love turns to need turns to panic turns to this hopelessly hopeful realization that you can't live one minute without this love? not. one. minute.

of course, my girl broke the mood. asked if i was getting into bed unclothed. her query maybe definitely included the word bigfatboobies and a giant imp of a grin.

she never fails to put the oddest in any moment.

i've been missing text-ish art. here's some from for stars will rise again. there's so much more to see over there, but the girlies three are all home again today so i must go play with them and not tumblr.