basketball shorts...

i should not be writing one thing today. i really shouldn't.

grae and i went to lillie's choir concert last night, giggling and chair dancing for the entire hour. especially when we saw lillie singing her high girlie part as directed, and then jumping in without thinking to the low boy part. you would've died. she dipped her little chin and raised her eyebrows like she was singing in front of the mirror or me to crack herself up. and then she remembered where she was and made that "huh? who did that?" guilty pink face.

i love it when those two are carefree.




we had a few physicals and immunizations yesterday, and the doctor asked lillie if she wanted me to stay in the room. i kept a calm face but kind of held my breath, wondering what she'd want. she asked if i could stay. even added a please.

i thought i wouldn't mind staying with her forever.

this morning, i asked if she could stop forming the red babybel wax into random balls and smiley faces all over our walls, windows and mirrors. she rolled her eyes.

she came downstairs, presumably dressed for school, in basketball shorts. basketball shorts?! really?! i kind of lost it a little and said no. way. about ten times.




what message are you trying to send, lill? i asked. hey, guys! anyone want to shoot a quick game of horse? what? oh, me? no, i've never in my entire twelve years played one stitch of basketball unless you count the time i whipped one at gracie at target when i was four and then laughed so hard i peeped my pants in the sporting goods section and had to buy a new outfit and then laughed so hard when i retold the story to grammy that i almost peeped my pants again, and i don't even think my family owns a basketball but today seemed like a good day to break out the low-riders AND UNTIE MY SHOELACES!

she rolled her eyes again and said "you hate me."

and then i stopped and smiled and reminded her that she is my first baby. i've loved her longer than the other two. i remember every single day of her life. her chandelier smile lit up the auditorium last night, just as it has added a night light to my heart. she's taught me how to love, how to worry, and how to care for another person so much that you'd end just to give her a beginning.

also, she has fantastic lips and a really cool bump on her nose that makes her look thug-lite, and how in the world could i hate someone with those qualities?

and that the only thing i hate are basketball shorts. and skeevy dads. but mostly basketball shorts. so please go change.




after the older two left, i tucked in their sheets on their top bunks so that they can check their beds easier just in case a stinkbug tries to sneak in while they're at school. lillie still keeps her stuffed animals from when she was brand new, as does grae, and i arranged them all carefully.

esmé noticed that my eyes got a little misty, and asked what was so sad about drowsy and petey, both a little more than twelve.

ohhh, i answered. it just breaks my heart a little...they're getting so old.

all these photographs remind me of my lillie in different ways. here, here, and here.