28 April 2010


my life would have to end up monstrously for me to list this morning as one of my favorites.

let me just tell you that lillie kate won the i'll have the last mean words if it kills me contest. you should also know that my girlie always ends on a high note. ugh. luckily, i won the if you come back here right now and give me a hug, all of this will be erased contest.

did i ever tell you i ran a small publishing company slash vanity press before lillie came to us? i loved it, even though the owner gave me job titles instead of raises. by the time i left, i was vice president of pretty much everything and everyone. we were a two-person operation.

whatever. my business cards rocked.

my clients thought i was magic. the epitome of smart and sweet. i rarely, if ever, made mistakes. i was respected and liked. i absolutely loved my work.

and then came lillie. it's no secret that uncle sugar and i had never ever not ever discussed babies, and we both assumed i would continue working.

i mean, who'd want to stay home with a bay-bee?

but then came lillie. we thought she was magic. the epitome of smart and sweet. she never made mistakes. not one. we absolutely loved everything about our lillie kate.

and all the nannies i'd interviewed suddenly seemed...dull. uninteresting. sluggish. i wanted them to perform as effusively as uncle sugar and i did.

"umm. so. lillie likes it when you sing this song i made up? i wrote it down on these two pages? the chorus goes miss lillie kate kate kate, ridin' just one skate skate skate...umm. so. flip the second page over for the finale? we always end with a jump to one knee with our hands up in a vee-shape? like this?" {insert nanny derision here.}

whatever. dullards.

long story a wee bit shorter, we decided i couldn't leave her with someone else. i'd stay home with the bay-bee. people who knew me the most just about died.

but you hate kids, they'd gasp.

not this one, i'd say.

a few weeks ago, a friend said something to me that i knew deep down was advice directed at me. it was something like i firmly believe every mother should be prepared to support her family at any given moment.

and that's been sitting in my stomach ever since.

am i prepared to support my family should uncle sugar get hit by a bus tomorrow? probably not. it could take some time. unless there's a company out there who loves shiny concepts, an everything's possible outlook, and ebullient writing.

do i regret staying home and making people instead of making books for people? no. never. rarely.

except maybe this morning.

tell me what you've done, will you? did you stay home or work or both? and god forbid your mate gets hit by a bus tomorrow, are you ready to take over? and for those of you who haven't even thought of making people yet...what will you hope to do? your stories always make me feel less worried. i know all will be well when i see lill's chandelier smile after school. that girlie's little head doesn't make room for this sort of nonsense. prints seen first on india knight's posterous. available here for purchase.


Mary said...

First of all, I love your blog and adore your writing. Had to get that out first.

Second....this is a great post and reflects the conflict so many of us feel about this topic. (This is probably going to be a long comment. Hope you don't mind._

I am jealous of women who just knew they wanted to be a mom and stay home with their kids, and they do, and it's awesome. They sing songs and craft crafts and make their kid's food into all sorts of fun shapes. I am also jealous of the women who knew without a doubt that they wanted to stay at work. They love their jobs, they are better moms because they have that balance in their lives, and their families are better for it. They get them into a great day care or find a fabulous nanny, and life is good.

Then there are the rest of us, who figure it out as we go along. I have two little boys who I adore, and I work full-time. For a ton of reasons. I started to write them, but this comment is getting ridiculously long. It's just not an easy answer. I actually recently got laid off, and although several people suggested to me that perhaps it was a sign I should stay home with my boys, I accepted a demotion and lower pay, because ultimately, I know that my working is the right answer for us.

Good for you for doing what's right for you. The answer is different for everyone.

la la Lovely said...

I was hoping for just this or something like this when I stopped by today. Feeling a little lost in the stay at homeness right now. I feel super blessed that I am able to stay at home and it is what I want to do... but somedays i dream of doing a little something on the side. But then i feel like if i did i'd be missing something. But right now i feel like i'm somewhat missing me. And if that is even possible, because I'm still trying to figure out who this me is. LIke that last print. become who you are. i know i am someone very specific i just have to find her. all of this is a little over exaggerated in my mind right now because who thinks clearly,even one bit on 5 months of no sleep. i do know that when mine are in school i'll def be trying to do something... i'm just not yet sure what that is.

la la Lovely said...

I was hoping for just this or something like this when I stopped by today. Feeling a little lost in the stay at homeness right now. I feel super blessed that I am able to stay at home and it is what I want to do... but somedays i dream of doing a little something on the side. But then i feel like if i did i'd be missing something. But right now i feel like i'm somewhat missing me. And if that is even possible, because I'm still trying to figure out who this me is. LIke that last print. become who you are. i know i am someone very specific i just have to find her. all of this is a little over exaggerated in my mind right now because who thinks clearly,even one bit on 5 months of no sleep. i do know that when mine are in school i'll def be trying to do something... i'm just not yet sure what that is.

jules @ The Diversion Project said...

good topic. no. great topic.

you do what you do. i do what i do. that chick does what she does. we all just try and make it work.

you know, i find people put their social morays out there to make themselves feel more comfortable, rather than for any other reason. clicking onto that made me feel so much better bout myself and far less like sticking a bread knife ....no, i wasn't going to say that. truly. was i? surely not!

anyway, dont judge yourself by another's cover. you + sugar do what is right for you guys. i stayed at home too till i realised that neanderthal man was, well, not nice.

at that point i had to do something about it, and i did it. and {just quietly} i did it bloody good, to my total and constant amazement. if you had to, you could too. no doubts there.

but don't chase shadows. have a great day mate. just cos you can. jxxxx

Rowena said...

I stayed home. Mostly. And while I was at home, I wrote 4 novels (one almost to final draft, still working on it) started a blog... no two, soon to be three, painted about two to three hundred paintings, sewed a bunch of little creations, opened an etsy shop and finally started selling art to people who don't know my, and sometimes waited tables now and again.

I had always planned to go back to work, but it wasn't feasible while my kids were really little. Someday soon, I suppose I will end up going back full time, but I kind of wish I could stay and work on these independent projects that could, some day, earn that living. Just not yet.

Unfortunately, the soon is coming sooner than I'd hoped, and the yet is taking longer than I imagined.

C'est la vie.

Kristin said...

Great post, I definitely understand where you're coming from! I've worked full-time, stayed home, worked part-time, worked full-time again, and am now about to cut back down to part-time again (all in the last four years!) At different times, different things have been what is best for my family - whether it's been me working (because we need the income) or me being home more. Like the poster above, I'm figuring it out as I go along. If I need to go back to work more, I will. But in the meantime, I am spending as much of this precious time with my girls as I can - before they get too old for it!

Lou said...

Beautifully put...and the comments too. This must be the biggest topic out there amongst mothers surely? For me, working part time works. Well it generally always has, but its been an enormous effort and I wonder now - that my bay-bees are at school whether it was the right thing? My Father emailed me when I sent him some school photos of my two kids (5 and 8) saying along the lines of 'they are so beautiful and well brought up and that's a surprise after the very difficult circumstances in which you choose to raise them'. Huh? We are not that close, but what he is saying, I know, is that my working produced this very hectic and demanding lifestyle where at times they missed out. I think he felt I should have devoted myself to them and been the epitome of stay-at-home mother. I wonder - could I ever have done that as that's the hardest job of all? Food for thought. But his note made me defiant and I thought - no, its the right thing for me, for us. So - ultimately am I comfortable with the choice? Umm no. Umm yes. Forever divided. LB x

Robin said...

Wow...great post about a tough topic. I agree with your first commenter, Mary - I envy women who knew definitively what they needed to do - for themselves and for their family.
I was totally unsure what I would do the whole time I was pregnant. When Micah was born, I felt strongly that I didn't want to be away from him but I was terrified of being a stay at home mom because I did not fit my own idea of what that was. So I have worked on a contract basis and taught yoga - totaling about 10 hours a week - but my main job is "mom"
I am thrilled I made the decision I did - Micah is so amazing and wonderful and I really enjoy being home (almost all the time). But I totally had to get over my own preconceived ideas about staying home/working and I worked hard to meet other moms which made a big difference.

Me said...

This is such an amazingly thought-provoking post on a topic that I wish, wish, wish that women would be more honest and open about! I, like your first commenter, think that it must be amazing to be one of those women who KNOWS what they want/need to be doing without question . . . but think that those women are very few and far between. I think that there are so many of us that are really struggling to figure out whether we are doing the right thing . . .

I am an attorney, working full-time . . . from home. It sounds like the perfect compromise, and some days, it definitely is. My 14 month old is in daycare three mornings a week, and the rest of the time, I work during naps, after he goes to sleep at night, etc. My clients call me while I'm feeding him veggies. My conflict with this has been that I had, until recently, a very hard time feeling completely present either with my son or with my job. Not a winning situation. In the past couple of months, I think that I've definitely developed more of a balance . . . and part of that has come from me focusing 100% on him when I am with him . . . and staying up until all hours getting my work done.

If anyone ever figures out a solution to all of this, please, please let me know! I will say, though, that Karey, your relationship with your girlies is so endearing and amazing to read about. Everyone's situation is different, and we all just have to figure out the balance that works for us. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job being a fabulous mom, regardless of where you end up coming down on the rest of it.

Richie Designs said...

Many moons ago I thought I would be a wife, mother and a kick ass aerobics instructor. I tried the wife {divorce} , tried the aerobics instructor {hated being in front of people}. 2 strikes so far.

I guess if I'm meant to be a mom it will happen.

karey m. said...

richie? i couldn't get past the kick ass aerobic instructor.

ummm. your BACK?! anyone remember your x-rays?! anyone?!

loving all these comments, by the way...thank you, all! xoxo.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

I hesitate to comment, I do, I really do. But....

It might be because of my work, and what I have seen, and where I have been. (And I know you know what I mean) But the fact is that I think that for me what your friend said is true. I do think that every mother, every woman, should be able to support herself and her children, to depend on no one but herself in case she had to. For me that knowledge has provided me with the ultimate feeling of safety, of comfort, of well being. And it's empowered me.

But here's the thing, you could support yourself and your family if you had to -- because you have all your gifts and all your talents. And they are many. But I worry about my own friends who have decided to stay at home. I worry about the tiny little voice deep inside them that wonders if they really do REALLY {still} have the skills and the talents that they would need to have a career today. So with all that full time motherhood gives, perhaps it's the little thing that it takes away.

Anonymous said...

I know nothing except that there isn't a good answer but thank God we have choices. No, I am not prepared at all. For now we have a kick-ass life insurance policy on him and hope/pray for the best.

karey m. said...

maryam! love your comment...it makes me feel less crazy. her comment WAS true. it was. i know this. and it inspires me and pushes me into action and all that. plus panic. xoxo. {and i always know what you mean.}

and kelly...your comment about kick-ass life insurance policy just about cracked me up off my chair. xo

Rachel said...

I'm not yet a mother, although I hope to get the chance someday. And I hope that chance comes with the ability to stay home if I want to. A good friend recently told me she decided to quit and stay home with her new son. My response was to squeal with joy. She said everyone else had made her feel silly for making that decision. I couldn't believe it. I mean - what a beautiful opportunity for her and her boy. She did say that they upped her hubby's life insurance policy. Prepared!!

Barchbo said...

I always thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. Scratch that. I NEVER thought I would be a mom, but while making hypothetical chat with my friends, that is what I thought I would do. It's how I was raised. Whatev. To each their own.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I panicked at the thought of quitting my job. I LOVE my job. I'm good at it. I like my co-workers and have an awesome boss! Did I mention the flexible schedule and being full-time at 40 hours a week? I know. So I am going to test it out and see how it goes, working and being a mom. Our daycare is next-door to the hub's office, so he can stop by anytime. But who knows? I may wake up, want to quit my job and move across the state to live near my family. It happens. Again, this is just for me. I think it evolves for each of us.

Karey, your girlies get you for a mom. That's a win for them whether you stay at home or work on the moon.

Unknown said...

My grandfather died unexpectedly, leaving my grandma with 9 children to raise on her own. You can imagine how that affected my mom and her siblings.
My motto is, "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." I love my DH very much, but I am hesitant to depend on him financially. We don't have any kids yet and probably won't for a few years. I would love one of us to stay home with them, at least until they are in school. But I would feel much more comfortable if we had a $$$$ bank account before any of that happened.

Like everyone else said, great post. So many of my friends and family are having babies right now that this is a frequent discussion topic, and it's definitely opened my eyes to another challenge of being a mother.

kathleen said...

stop it right now. you know why that's stuck with you.

but yes. you could. hands down.

Brandi said...

i wish i had good advice for you from my life experiences, but all i can tell you is that we each need to do what feels right for us. if you needed to work suddenly, i'm sure you'd find something -- you have an amazing community of friends (both real and imaginary) and family who would come together to help you. so you don't ever have to worry about that. but if you feel the itch to work again, you should explore, see what would happen.

Anonymous said...

I always, always, always just wanted to be mom. I definitely stayed home. I wanted to bake cookies and homemade bread. I wanted Sunday night suppers and outings to the park. I wanted to be June reincarnate. Right down to the pearls. I then learned that mom didn't look like that. It looked a little more like being blasted in the trenches. And even though I wore the pearls, I flailed. Bread was store bought. The park was about sanity. The pearls were just good fashion sense.

Is there more past mom? Yes.

If I hadn't stayed home to be mom, would there be less? Yes.

The House That A-M Built said...

Life insurance Karey, life insurance.... and stacks of it.... lotto amounts... so I never have to leave my babies. My hubby is worth more to me dead than alive... which is a comfort... but I'd much prefer him to be poor and alive! A-M xx

Melissa de la Fuente said...

Oh...yes. I stayed home, I haven't done a play since I was 5 months pregnant with my first girlie...and most of the time I don't miss it at all(and I loved my job too) Every once in awhile I see some brilliant show & wish I could be a part of it. And no, I would absolutely NOT be ready to take over. Not in the slightest. I think your most divine moments are still coming my friend...the path you are on is golden, have NO fear. All will be well...
ps and I kind of want to say "fuck off" to the one who directed that declaration at you, is that wrong? Don't judge me, please :)

Simply Mel {Reverie} said...

It seems to me you DO do it all ~ and you would definitely take care of your family if you HAD too.

McDreamy and I never planned to have kids, and the crumb made it pass the 'goalie', so the perfect duo became a traveling trio. Best 'mistake' we ever made, and never in my life did I plan to be a SAHM. But then those big blue eyes melted my heart the moment they put her on my chest, and I knew I would refuse to miss one day of her life. She and I go hand-in-hand 24/7, and I'm not going to leave her with a 'dullard' nanny who can be overjoyed by her total perfection. The first 5 years of being her best friend will definitely be rewarded with a life-long bond of forever goodness. So I became creative and did what I had to do ~ let my creative juices and need to 'add to the nest egg' move forward and open an online boutique, bake organic cakes, teach yoga, and write ~ all of which I do with the crumb by my side or while she sleeps at night. My 'workday' begins at 8PM, but my heart is on-call every day for the rest of my life now that it has been filled with the most intense love I never knew existed.

And one day, I hope we don't have to wish for "a company out there who loves shiny concepts, an everything's possible outlook, and ebullient writing" ~ I relish in the reverie of knowing they will be the core of Fortune 500!


meezo said...

Did you write this for me today? I think you did. This has been my year long question. My first few posts were based on this. I've stayed home for 15 years! Felt sorry for my friends who worked p/t while I was home with my sweet peas all day long.

Now with my youngest being 10, I'm ready to go back to work doing something. But GASP! I have no experience. My friends are dealing with the same thing. We have 10 years of major volunteer work in the PTO...but other than that we've played tennis, lunched and shopped for shoes.

What's a Mother to do? The economy stinks to open a cutsie store. Most of my friends are working p/t at pilates studios, clothing stores..or such. I need more brain power than that, so I'm searching, taking classes...basically trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. It's a hard thing to figure out. I've often thought I should write a book just on this subject.

I could not at all support my children if something happened, but I would call upon all forces of the Universe and figure out something. Maybe it would force me to write that great novel :)

You, sweet Karey, would have people knocking down your door with your talents. You just seem to have a lot of them.

Sometimes I think about how far I could have gone in my field had I stayed working...but then I would have missed out on all the fun of raising such great people. And I do feel like they've been my greatest achievement thus far. Way better than any paycheck.

release.refresh.renew said...

In a past life I was on a path to my ultimate dream...halfway through college and taking lovely steps towards becoming a marine biologist with fantasies of traveling the world discovering the last great discoveries in the deep unknown.

Then I met a boy. Fell madly in love. Moved away from all I knew and had known.

Then came a excitable puppy named Bear.

Then came my beautiful daughter Elena.

I may not have the crisis solutions neatly and precisely mapped out, but I do have faith that in such an event, I'd be able to support my family no matter what because I'm not afraid of hard work and the love I have for all of them would drive me to accomplish anything I needed to. I might not like the unknown, but I'm not afraid of it.

However, this post does make me think. I love that.

Thank you. :]

susan said so said...

Those perennial worries, always ready to surface...mine were so long ago that I rarely think about them, unless someone in my world (real or imaginary!) is struggling with them.

I just erased a big long drawn-out response, but this is really enough: as long as what you're doing is right for you and yours, you're doing it right. And I'd bet on you any day, karey m.


Holly said...

My husband's cousin lost her husband today. He went out running and just fell over dead. I do not know what she is going to do, if she has plans in case of this - she has 2 little girls. That coupled with your question made me think. I also have two children and work as little as possible, doing odd jobs, gigs whatever you want to call them in the time that doesn't take away from my two beautiful children, earning enough money to help get by. But what if the husband left and didn't come back could I support my family? Sure, I think you could too. When that sort of thing happens you do what you have to do, in my case even waiting tables or answering phones - again. I think that by giving your daughter yourself you are making the best investment possible, and if something unexpectedly horrible happens then that will take care of itself too.

spelled with an h. said...

karey m., i love this. i love all of your posts, really. i've been reading for awhile and never commented, though i've thought about it. today's the day, i suppose.

i'm not a mom (yet) but i have often thought about what i would do in this situation. it's such a difficult one and i think we all must make our own decision. so, really, i'm of little help.

but, i must let you know (because I could feel the uncertainty in your words today): my mama stayed home with me and the 3 that followed right up until the smallest was in middle school. and, well, if you ask any of us - that meant more in our eyes than anything else she's ever done.

Kate said...

I love your blog. Even though I'm not at this stage in my life right now, I can totally relate to your situation because you write so honestly. I've seen many bloggers write about this issue, but I think you've put it really eloquently in this post.

Also, my name is Kate and my parents used to rhyme my name with skate too : )

karey m. said...

if you all don't think i've been reading and re-reading and reading again each of your comments, you're flat out mistaken.

these are like gold to me. even though i hate gold. you know what i'm saying...

and kate? i love that your parents rhymed with you. nicest thing to read this morning, for sure.

xoxo, all.

Lou said...

Hi Karey - I don't know you that well but this post made such an impression on me - your writing was exquisite, so I left you a little Beautiful Blogger award on my blog. Only for if you have time... LB x

c.bean said...

I'm pro-choice when it comes to this topic. whatever works for each family is best. no judgement.

I admit that I never gave it much thought before I found myself at the crossroads... but when my maternity leave was up, I just couldn't go back.

I do suffer from the occasional bout of did i do the right thing... but most of the time I feel good about being the Director of Development for My Family Project.

I realize that I am very lucky to live in a time and place where I do have a choice. I am grateful to be able to afford the luxury/challenge of staying home to do the work of raising three amazing girls.

but if that bus comes crashing into my world... I'll do whatever needs to be done. of course. just because I choose to stay home and grow people doesn't mean I'm weak or incapable or unemployable! plus, I insisted on a hefty insurance policy when this whole parenting thing started.

Unknown said...

My husband made it a huge priority that I get my bachelor's, and I did it in Physics so I could get an actual job if he ever died or couldn't get a job, but my plan was to always stay home.

I read an article here: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Elizabeth-Gilbert-on-Failure-and-Living-Well/1 That was talked about on the Elements of Style blog, and I really liked it, except all the women she was talking about had these great "side" careers, which I absolutely do not. I have a gargantuanly spectacular 15 month old who I could spend all my days tickling, and have an etsy shop which I am increasingly realizing I canNOT sew... I dunno--I feel like I've been having a quarter-life-crisis lately to understand what I'm supposed to be doing.

Thanks for the post.


Anonymous said...

Someone sent this article to me a few days ago:

seems to fit in with the conversation going on here.

TX Girl said...

I'm a big believer in being able to support yourself should the need arise... especially because life just isn't a forgone conclusion. Too many people in my community decide they are going to be a SAHM, so they don't see the need to pick a field that they could and WOULD work in. Life doesn't always work out the way you planned.

I do think it is interesting that we have a HUGE insurance policy on my husband, but nothing on me. He'd be toast if he ever had to worry about childcare.

c.bean said...

precisely why I'm covered too... my guy would be up a creek if that bus ever comes careening my way!

Ashley said...

I am surrounded by women that have put off college and work experience to have children. That is their choice and I respect that. But I do have to agree with your friend. Every mother has to prepare herself for a time when she maybe the sole provider for her children. I am grateful that I did get a college degree and did work before the birth of my son. Like you I thought I would always work, even if just part time. Although I had the luxury of leaving my child with my mother while I pursued my career goals. I simply could not do it. It broke my heart to think I might miss his first smile, his first laugh, his first steps. Because of my time away from work, I'm afraid it would be difficult to return and find the success I once had after a long absence. I have recently been thinking about taking some courses that would take me in a very different direction. It would be more for self-fulfillment than anything else. But I would be gaining marketable skills from these courses. I have been putting this off because I keep telling myself that this desire is selfish. With a husband that works long hours, a toddler, and another child on the way, it is wrong to want this for myself. Because of your words I have been reminded that this will also be for the good of my family as well. I've decided to take the plunge. I pray to God I will never have to use these talents to put food on the table for my children. But I also pray that if that day comes, I will be able to use what gifts and knowledge I have to do so.

Kim in the Cove said...

karey - this is a great discussion!

i agree with your friend that an important component of being a good parent is being a prepared parent. i've gotten just old enough to see that life sometimes throws us unpleasant surprises. dads AND moms need life insurance, sure, but we also need a PLAN. what a blessing to be a stay-at-home-parent!!! all i am saying is there should always be a mechanism by which mom OR dad can support the family solo - truly solo. sometimes it's not divorce or death but illness or disability that removes a parent from their role as parent or provider or both. it's not worth dwelling on, but it's worth a discussion and at least the outline of a plan. anything less is a bit like riding around without seatbelts "hoping for the very best". right?

Kim in the Cove said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dee said...

First of all, we are so similar sometimes it scares me. Second, you are already supporting your family in the biggest way possible. Third, I think you should reconsider that friend. And fourth, you have so many skills in so many things (writing, painting, making everyone around you feel like the most important person ever), that anyone in any company would be foolish not to hire you in a split second (heavens forbid).

Personally, I chose a hybrid of working and staying at home. I work from home and watch Devon simultaneously. It's not a foolproof method, and it definitely takes constant adjusting and flexibility (two things I've had to learn over these last six months), but I wouldn't have it any other way. We have at least three made up songs for her and I just can't imagine them being sung by anyone else but me:)

Anonymous said...

i've missed coming over here and reading. i have been out of the day to day blogger stuff for a while. glad to have read your past few posts again, though!
i am not at the point to be making any babies right now, but if i get the chance to, i'm not sure what i'd prefer. i know that i want to teach art. i know that i'll be obsessed with my little bundle as well, though. i like the lil bee's situation... i'd like to find a way to work at home.
hmm... we'll see.
hope you have a lovely week!

Relyn Lawson said...


I have so loved the very thoughtful answers to your questions. Here are my answers:

I work, and I've never stayed home. My daughter is eight. I'm a teacher, so I guess I actually stay home three months a year. That's really enough for me. By the time summer is ending, we are all chomping at the bit to get back to our "normal" lives. I think I am not enough of a self-starter to stay at home full time. I am a girl who needs a deadline.

Being a teacher, I am able to share my work life with my daughter in a way most women can't. I do treasure that. I can't even tell you how much.

And, yes, I could take over supporting the family. Of course, things would be tight on one teacher's salary, but I could manage it. I don't know that it gives me comfort, though. I've always been able to support myself and assumed I would be able to take care of my child if I had to. It's not that it doesn't matter, just that I never considered another option.

The option being to be able to support myself, I mean. I have considered staying home. It's just not for me. I am called to teach. It is my passion and my purpose, second only to my child. I do love it!

Asher Seveland said...

this is my first time to your blog and i'm immediately leaving a comment...that never happens! i stay at home and sometimes worry about being "prepared" but then i remember that this is my life right now and i can not plan for everything. when i try it makes me CRAZY. if something big happens to change our lives i have no doubt that i will pull it together to take care of my boys. i suspect you would too. you should have friends who believe in you. and why isn't this friend worried about fathers being prepared to care for kids if the mother were out of the picture? being a stay at home mom does not have to equal helplessness. whew...i feel better. :)

annie (the annilygreen one) said...

feminism gave us a lot of good. we can now have everything if we want to. but i think it sort of made us feel like we SHOULD have everything. kids, career, creativity...all at once. but maybe life just has seasons. by staying home now, i get to do my mothering job really well (not that working moms aren't good at mothering...i'm just saying i like to focus). and when my kids are older, i can do another job really well. i'm a one-thing-at-a-time type person.

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